I don't usually go into deep-seeded details about my personal life here on this dear blog. School is enough of a topic as it is.
But today will be different. Today, I won't be ranting about school. Because sometimes, when we step back, we may realize that the important things we care about don't primarily lie with the books we spend all these hours with.
I'm 23 years old, but I've never experienced death.
I have never experienced the loss of a friend, nor have I learned how to deal with such a loss. But this changed this past weekend.
Death comes so swiftly. Too often, we think our young age connotates immortality. But, here's the thing. We're not invincible. Some of us can be plagued by sickness, by accidents, by unforeseen incidents that show us the realness of our mortality. And too often, the ones we love most, the ones we care for so dearly, swiftly leave the world without knowing how much we love them, how much we deeply cared for them.
This grad life is busy, I know. But sometimes, those assignments? They aren't the only things in the world that matter. There are people we love who matter to us. And so, tell them you love them. Please tell them. That you love them. One can never hear those words too often.
And when we lose a friend to death, the regret we feel knowing that we didn't say those words as often as we should have is a difficult reality to accept.
And so, I'll end this post with a message for a sweet, wonderful friend. A friend whose friendship I will forever remember and value.
My friend, I will miss you. For the rest of my life. I will remember you fondly, remember the years I've known you happy, and most importantly, healthy.
I'm so very sorry for not seeing you when I came home for Reading Week. The neurotic grad student in me thought she wouldn't have time to see all her friends, that she'd have time to see you the next time she came home from Queen's. I'm sorry for cancelling, friend. I'm so very sorry. And I'm sorry that we didn't have a chance to ride the #38 bus together one last time, to wait for that perpetually tardy #38 bus one last time, to complain about how we always lose our GO train tickets, how we hate admitting we watch Gossip Girl and yet we still do. And I'm sorry that we didn't have the chance to go shopping, or to discuss how Glee has gone downhill, or bunk at Muskoka together again, or go to Booster Juice, or figure out just how Blair Waldorf stays so fabulous, or to just, you know, wear our red heels simultaneously on the same Sunday morning all over again. And, most importantly, I'm sorry that I let this busy grad life think I was too busy to catch up with you. With all of you. For this, I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. And I will forever regret being too engrossed in school to think about what was going on back home.
I'll remember you, always. And I will forever treasure my favourite memories with you. Because, really? Five hour band practices? Fish and chips? The gas station with the "only Asian in Northern Ontario"? Plunging the toilet for the first time in our Muskoka cabin? Getting lost in Northern Ontario trying to get to Muskoka? Oh, these good times. Friend, I'll never forget that weekend. We were attached at the hip, literally. And, in all seriousness, it was a pleasure leading Compass youth every week with you.
My dear friend, your friendship, your kindness meant very much to me, more than you will ever know. You lived a life that many would be proud of. And I'm so very happy that you're in the arms of a loving God as I write this blog post today.
And while this weekend was heartbreaking, we know we'll see you again one day. And when I do see you again, rest assured that we'll go over everything we missed out on. All the Glee, all the Blair Waldorf. We'll have eternity to discuss it all.
My dear friend, I will simply say that, I love you. From the bottom of my heart. Our five-year friendship touched my heart from the day we first met. And for the rest of my life, I will never, ever forget you. May you rest in peace.
"May The Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you.
May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace."
- Numbers 6:24
"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."
- The Wonder Years
"Don't be dismayed by good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again after moments or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends."
- Richard Bach