This blog post is going to be a bit somber. Probably because this weekend was full of decisions I struggled making and also because I literally haven't slept in the last two days (uh, it was a busy but super fun weekend, doot doo doo doooo...). See: bags under my eyes.
Side Note: Just to throw a wrench into this melancholy blog post, here's a super sad story that was so heartbreaking I just had to share it:
Last night, after a night at Rockwood with Esther, walking to a Vietnamese restaurant on Spadina and Dundas, we encountered an older gentleman on his knees, asking us for change. Automatically reaching for our wallets, we forked over what we could. While my friends walked away, I lingered back for a few seconds. Because, well, I felt so bad for him. Dropping my change into his hands, I asked him if he had a place to stay for the night, whether he had a job, and what he did for a living. Confused, he shook his head to all my questions. I wasn't sure if he understood me. Backing off, and walking away towards my friends, I glanced over my shoulder and saw him crawling under a blanket strewn on the sidewalk. It was actually quite heartbreaking. And I know scenes like this are a common occurrence in Toronto, but it's still so sad to witness it when you do, you know?
Anyway, back to my post. Sad story over, yet moving on to an equally unsettling topic.
I know many of us are going through a phase in life where pretty crucial decisions need to be made in the next few months. Be it where to go to grad school or med school in September, what job to apply for, when to start our own businesses, whether to accept a marriage proposal (please, I know several going through this!), are just some of the crucial decisions my friends are going through. And it's a big deal. Plus, like most of you know, my own life changing choice at the moment is the decision of where to go to law school in September.
Allow me to try explaining this decision making crisis in words.
It's like you've been given multiple forks on the road. It's like you've been given several options for your life, and you're scared to death that you'll choose the wrong one. What if I choose and I turn out to be completely, utterly wrong? What if my life is screwed up as a result? And again... what if I'm wrong? What if I choose and end up completely hating it? What if I shouldn't even be doing this?
I actually have a sinking feeling in my stomach every time I think about having to choose a law school.
I can't even count how many people have asked me which school I've picked, in this weekend alone, in the last two days. And, each time, the moment someone asked, I could feel the rising bubbles of panic in my tummy. And, as always, I end up laughing uncomfortably for a few seconds, give a them a quick vague answer, and walk away feeling like an idiot.
I know we're all welling up with uncertainty. We're at the point in life where drastic changes happen regularly. We aren't just choosing which schools to go to in September (although I know many of us are), we're choosing where to live as we move out on our own, we're choosing which jobs would best fit our career paths. We're choosing who to date, who to avoid like the plagueeeee (oh, the stories). We're deciding how to let go of friends, how to reconnect with friends. This life, especially this 20-something age bracket we're in right now - it's full of decisions that boggle and hurt my mind.
Sometimes, it's just so much easier to curl up in a ball and cry, no? Or does that make us wimps? Because then I'd definitely have to call myself a wimp.
I have no advice to offer you guys today. I'm in a state of crisis myself, if you couldn't tell. I'll just end here with yet another rhetorical question before going back to my work, and perhaps a small dose of optimism.
When did life get so hard?
But, let's be optimistic, friends.
Decision time is almost near. It'll be over soon. And, when all else fails, go with your gut instinct - go with your heart.
"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."
— Dr. Seuss
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."
— Mother Teresa