(Not So) Missed Connections - Romantic Encounters Of The Grad Kind

Picture this: You're driving down a dark street late at night, you're pretty tired, you're worn out, and you see a red stoplight coming up so you start slowing down. You stop and wait until you can start driving again. Bored as you are, you glance over at the individual sitting in the driver's seat of the car beside yours. Lo and behold, your eyes widen when you notice that the driver is the most incredible, beautiful, stunning, divine, exquisite creature (guy or girl) you've ever laid your eyes on. Wow. (Insert Joey Tribbiani-esque voice here): How you doing? But before you know it, the stoplights change, and said beautiful creature drives off, never to be seen again.

Has this ever happened to you? It never happens to me. When I glance over at the drivers beside me, I'm usually scowled at by an elderly woman disapproving of my speeding tendencies (I'm not an aggressive Asian driver, really) or a creepy old man grinning at me to the point where I'm uncomfortable (obviously I speed off as fast as I can! Ahhh!).

But, friends, these things do happen sometimes. And as I drove Vania and I home a few weeks ago, we noticed a very nice Cadillac driving beside us. When we reached the stoplight, we glanced over and spotted the CUTEST PUPPY WE'VE EVER SEEN hanging out the driver's seat. Seriously, so cute. And I'm a cat person. We kept waving at the cute puppy... until we noticed puppy's very cute (Read: Insanely Hot) owner. And so as we kept driving for the next few blocks, Cute-Dog-Loving-Cadillac-Driving Boy and I kept hitting the same stoplights. We fangirled over that puppy (owner) while we patiently waited for each of those sets of lights to turn green. Oh, Vania. What an entertaining ride home! And the epitome of something you'd find on Craigslist Missed Connections (which my friends and I hilariously read sometimes, just for the entertainment).

Do we really know anyone who has met their significant other driving down the street? None that I know of! But when it comes down to it, the concept of finding one's significant other is interesting, particularly as we've reached an age where half our friends are either engaged, in a serious relationship, or are already married. We've reached the age as 20-somethings where we start receiving pointed questions from family, friends, and relatives regarding the next ten years of our lives: engagement, marriage, children, the whole scary nine yards. Wow. How did time fly by so fast? How did we grow up so fast?

I know many people often wonder about who they will end up with. Craigslist Missed Connections alone show us a number of people, from various age groups and all walks of life, searching for that Hollywood-turned-reality romance. Relationships, to be frank, aren't an afterthought to any of us. Humans instinctively treat relationships as an important part of life; they are a centrifugal force to which we plan our lives and efforts around.

And so as a result, I'm sure you've often wondered how you'll meet your significant other (don't lie, I know you have!). On a GO train? In class? Through a friend? At the library? If it floats your boat, Craigslists' Missed Connections? How will you meet the person you'll eventually end up with? And how, pray tell, will you know? I've noticed, from observing many individuals my age, that so much effort is placed on contemplating these questions, on the search for potential lifelong relationships and significant others. At our age, it's a reality I'm sure many reading this have thought about.

However, let this blog post serve to assure you that you shouldn't worry about the unknown years ahead and the individuals you have yet to meet. If there's anything we can learn from the new phases of life we will soon begin (moving to new cities, starting Master's degrees, starting new jobs), I think we can all agree that we've felt time going by faster than usual. Time. It just seems to be going by too fast. Time that shouldn't be spent dwelling on things that could be, should be, or should have been. Time that can rather be spent enjoying friends, family, moments, and experiences that will, years from now, be just a fond memory.

Let this blog post serve as encouragement and assurance to those who wonder, to those who shake their heads in annoyance at the thought of the unknown years ahead. To those who nurse broken hearts, wounded egos, unrequited souls. To those who have experienced misplaced committment. Friends, the search may seem futile now. But let me assure you that time spent actively searching and alternatively worrying won't always produce the results you desire. In the meantime, we have so much to do, so much of the world to see until we finally find this reality.

Friends, we may feel like we're getting old, but we are actually still so very very young. Enjoying one's years as an adult-but-not-quite-an-adult is just an important as the later years of life. So until then, enjoy the fleeting moments and days of your twenties.

Let this blog post serve to assure you that one day, you will indeed find that individual who will forever change your life. One day, someday soon. And when you finally do, it will be far from a "missed connection." On the contrary, it will be a connection you've waited patiently for, within the context of memorable experiences. On the contrary, it will be a connection you'll have and treasure for the rest of your life.

"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

City Street Smarts - A Lesson Learned

Well. I had an interesting encounter this morning. I don't know what to think of the experience, really. To be honest, I'm still a little shocked. Actually, I'm more than a little shocked. I'm utterly stunned. Flabbergasted.

So I went through my usual routine, got off the GO train, walked into Tim Horton's, and (instead of my usual Banana Nut muffin) purchased a small Iced Cap because it was devastatingly warm. And as per usual, I was minding my own business, just like those walking on Front Street rushing to get to work. Men in snazzy suits, women in heels, people gabbing away on their ever-so-trusty Blackberries. A typical Thursday morning.

And as per usual, I walked down University Avenue, sipping my Iced Cap, obsessively checking what time it was on my cell phone to make sure I wasn't late, distractedly picking lint off my blazer (OCD tendencies, what did I tell you?), and giggling at my recent text messages. Then it happened. Oh yes, it happened.

All of a sudden, a woman (dressed in a beautiful suit) walked up to me sobbing uncontrollably. And immediately, being the (dense) sucker I am, I felt a pang of sympathy. She asked if I could spare any change. Through tears, she told me that her father just passed away, she was being kicked out of her apartment, she was behind on rent, and she had no money for breakfast. With tears pouring down her face, she told me that she was on her way to work and that she was so very very hungry. She just wanted a breakfast sandwich from Tim Horton's. Could I spare any change?

In my defense, after listening to her for a few minutes, her story did sound legitimate. She looked completely harmless, and her story was just so sad! And so I reached into my purse and pulled out my wallet to see if I had any change. Unfortunately, I only had a $10.00 bill (which I needed for lunch) and 8 CENTS in change. I also knew I wouldn't have time to go to the bank if I gave her my $10.00 bill. Apologizing, I handed over my 8 cents and said that was the only change I had. And that I'm sorry!

As if on cue, her tears stopped. The look of pain vanished from her eyes. She grabbed my 8 cents, started scowling, and rudely asked if that was all I had. Shocked, I said yes, it was. She rolled her eyes, muttering something about how selfish I was. Without even a "thank you," she asked how I could only spare such a small amount. Didn't I listen to her story? Didn't I know how much she needed my money? Worse yet (and this really is the worse part), she reached over and tried to grab my beloved Coach purse off my shoulder, claiming that she wanted to check my wallet to see if I was lying. Friends, this was my favourite Coach purse. My darling Coach purse. The love-of-my-life-never-gonna-let-it-go Coach purse. I gasped in fear! FEAR, I tell you! Immediately, I pulled away, clutched that purse to my chest, and ran across the intersection.

I have no idea what possessed her to do such a thing. She looked perfectly normal. She spoke perfectly normal. But would a perfectly normal person grab a total stranger's purse? Would a perfectly normal person berate a stranger about their lack of change?

I have no idea if she was crazy or if she grabbed my purse out of impulse. But clearly, this incident has absolutely reminded me of the value of Street Smarts. Our city is full of con artists, scam artists, with people who will do anything for money. Let's all be careful, no matter what the situation is. Excercise cautiousness. Excercise Common Sense (something I obviously didn't do today). No matter how sad the story, no matter how harmless an individual looks, you can never be too careful anymore. Never!

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."
- Sir Winston Churchill

The Immigrant Story: Land of Opportunity or Limit?

I'll get right to the point. We have a problem, friends. A certain problem exists in our province (and nation) that will be difficult to fix, but it affects thousands upon thousands of people each year. This sizable conundrum produces unimaginable stress for people who have worked hard to climb the education system so they would never have to be in this position. And yet here they are.

As a result of my summer job, I've witnessed firsthand the stunning trend of limits on immigrant employment. Hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of people flood employment agencies everyday, across the province, desperately seeking jobs. They are doctors, lawyers, clinical researchers, physiotherapists, teachers, accountants, managers, I could go on. They've climbed the ladder of education in their home countries so they would never have to worry about paying for their mortgage, about saving tuition for their children's education. They've achieved certain careers so they would never have to live from paycheque to paycheque. They came to Canada for opportunity, for better jobs, to earn a livelihood. Yet their university degrees aren't credited when they arrive.

Instead, they are sitting in employment agencies, filling out questionnaires regarding their unemployment. I don't know if this issue breaks your heart, but it certainly breaks mine (and quite certainly touches on my own personal moral intuitions). CTV broadcasted today that people searching for doctors in neighbourhood hospitals and clinics are turned away because of the shortage of medical practitioners. Would this problem exist if the policies of foreign accreditation were better formulated?

Knowing that there is a perfectly capable doctor (with 20 years of experience and who speaks perfectly solid English) manning the escalator at Walmart actually brings tears to my eyes. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing the opportunities Canada offers. On the contrary, I'm probably as close to a nationalist as you can get. There are ample benefits to settling in this awesome country of ours. What I am bashing are the policies for foreign accreditation, particularly in light of judicial interpretations of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

Rights consciousness in so present in today's culture, particularly since Courts have continued to interpret the Constitution in favour of protecting certain rights. Since the 1960's, Supreme Court (both Canadian and American) jurisprudence regarding constitutional protection of rights has escalated for a number of groups and individuals.

But what about perfectly educated immigrants? Who will protect them?

"My dreams were all my own. I accounted for them to nobody; they were my refuge when annoyed - my dearest pleasure when free."
- Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

My Love Affair With Europe - Moments From EUROTRIP 2010

Three months ago, I fell in love. Yes, friends, I really did. I fell in love with the most beautiful cities I've ever seen. I fell in love with a certain atmosphere, with a different way of life, with people who laughed and loved with utmost abandon. I fell in love with a unique environment I always heard about but never physically witnessed.

On May 8, 2010, Elaine, Mishal, Alicia, Alaana, and I boarded that Air Transat flight headed to one of the most beautiful parts of the globe: Rome, Italy. And for the next two weeks we went on to wander the streets of Paris, France (where we met up with Wendy!) and explored the ins and outs of London, England. It was my first time in Europe, and quite honestly, it was one of the best experiences of my life to date.

By the way, for a more detailed summary of each day of our Eurotrip, visit Elaine's blog at the following links. She was proactive and detailed every single thing we did on our trip. She'll also be teaching your kids one day (shouting out congrats to Elaine as she heads off to teacher's college in September!):

For Elaine's detailed daily summaries of our days in Rome, click here.
For Elaine's detailed daily summaries of our days in Paris, click here.
For Elaine's detailed daily summaries of our days in London, click here.

So why did I fall so deeply in love with Europe? How did Paris become my favourite city in the world? Here we go, friends. The Seven Love Affairs of EUROTRIP 2010. It was an unforgettable trip, to say the least.

MY SEVEN EUROPEAN LOVE AFFAIRS

7) My Love Affair With European Food

I, quite literally, ate more in those two weeks in Europe than I usually do in a month. That's how good the food was, friends. I couldn't stop stuffing my face. Have you ever had bucattini? No? Do you know what bucattini looks like? No? Well, let me enlighten you. On Day 2 of Rome, we wandered our hostel's neighbourhood of Trastevere and decided to have lunch at a quaint little restaurant named Le Gildo Ristorante de Trastevere. And I swear on my well-loved limited edition of Doctor Zhivago that I tasted the best pasta I ever had in my life. I have no idea what was in it, goat cheese maybe? It also had bits of the BEST. BACON. EVER. EVER. EVER. I don't know what it is about Italian pasta. Or authentic Italian food, for that matter. I've never tasted anything like it. Incredible, scrumptious, mouth-watering, I could go on for hours.

Yummy pastries, pain au chocolat for breakfast in Paris every morning (except for the one morning we ate Mishal's leftover curry chicken for breakfast. What? We were homesick), mouth-watering macaroons. You name it, I ate it. I'd also like to give a special shoutout to the most amazing tiramisu I've ever encountered, served at Cafe Unisex on the Champs Elysees in Paris. I swear, that tiramisu melted in my mouth. It melted.

FUN FACT: Europeans like their coffee strong. Really strong. Like, can't-gulp-need-to-spit-it-out strong. Like, not-even-four-packs-of-sugar-can-mask-the-taste strong. But obviously I had to order an espresso while sitting at a cafe on the Champs Elysees. Just for the experience, really.

FUN FACT 2: I swear to you that Rome's Fuimicino Airport has an awesome secret. You can purchase the most delicious croissant in the world for only ONE EURO. JUST ONE! Go to the airport's mini food court, you'll find it there. Yum.

6) My Love Affair With Europeans

I've been told most of my life that Parisians are snobs. And to this I say, please. Please. We didn't meet a single rude person in France. Parisians were the nicest people we met on the trip (actually, I take that back. They tie with Romans for friendliness). And seriously, the first time we actually encountered rudeness was when we got to London, where there wasn't even a language barrier. Just a rudeness barrier, really.

Walking down the Champs Elysees in Paris well past midnight, you tend to meet some pretty interesting characters. Most are intoxicated, but interesting nonetheless. The same goes for all the people we met each day of our trip. From city to city, each person was fascinating. From the slightly tipsy Masters students we made friends with on the Paris Metro at 2:00 am one morning (one of which gave Wendy a Facebook name that turned out to be an Italian actor when we searched him later), the Political Science student in Paris who only knew about Toronto because he watched South Park, the quirky locals who warned us not to visit the Paris version of Jane and Finch (we were stubborn, went anyway, and got swarmed by attacking gypsies. Scariest experience ever), the aforementioned gypsies who attacked us (!!!), the men from Bangladesh who Mishal bartered with so we could buy our Eiffel Tower statues, our waiters and waitresses from each city who tolerated our requests to take a picture with them, the host at ROSSOPOMODORO in Rome who gave us a history lesson on Julius Caesar, our neighbour at our Paris apartment who helped us find our apartment when we thought we were in the wrong building, the artist named Emilian (from Serbia) who sold his art on Rue St. Honore near the Louvre but told us his name was Jacques because it was his alter ego (yeah, just roll with it), the amusing British business men we made friends with while we waited for autographs after our plays... I could go on and on! We met a number of characters on our trip. They made each moment exciting, to say the least! I think meeting people from different countries is large part of one's travels, and I'm glad we got to meet such a diverse group during this particular trip.

FUN FACT: I think the one thing that surprised me the most was that, despite the diversity in population in terms of visible minorities, some people we met in all three cities harboured surprising stereotypes about Asians that you wouldn't see in Canada. To the point where they think every Asian is a new immigrant from Hong Kong or Japan. For future reference, I will not respond to "Ni Hao" or "Le Ho Ma" because I'm 1) Not Chinese and 2) Saying hello in another language is probably the worst pick-up line or sale inducing mechanism ever. Just saying.

5) My Love Affair With European Historical Landmarks

I have to say that Ancient Rome took my breath away. Versailles in Paris practically left me speechless. Everything I learned in history class came down to this, and the history buff in me fangirled over every single historical destination (tourist trap or not). I won't continue to babble about how awesome all these sites were (you just need to visit them!), but I will give special mention to my incredible experience at the Supreme Court of the United Kingdom. I visited Democracy Square by the Houses of Parliament one afternoon, and crossed the street to the Court. Although it wasn't in session, I was able to tour all three court rooms. The court was empty. No tourists were in sight, so I was allowed to sit on the very seats where the JCPC made crucial decisions. I almost passed out, actually. I was that excited. I will never forget that afternoon at the Supreme Court.

FUN FACT: Democracy Square in London houses many activists and/or students fighting for a number of causes. They also haven't showered in months. And they aren't afraid to let you know! Smelly and proud, I was quite fascinated. Please don't let the stench prevent you from entering Democracy Square. Go in and have a little chat with them. They're very pleasant and interesting people! A little extreme, but pleasant.

4) My Love Affair With European Theatre

Les Miserables will forever be my favourite play. I don't know how to describe why I love it. I just do. There's something about the story, the music, the voices, the heartbreak, the love, the triumph, that culminates into a masterpiece I thoroughly enjoy. The songs are remarkable. And the version of Les Mis that we saw in London left me speechless.

Let me note further that plays in London transformed me (us) into crazy lunatics. To the point that we blocked the entrances to the stage doors at the Adelphi Theatre and Queens' Theatre to make sure we got autographs from the stars of Les Miserables and the world premiere of Phantom of the Opera: Love Never Dies. We took pictures with the stars, made eager conversation, and hung onto their every word. Special shoutouts go to Alistair Brammer (who played Marius, star of Les Mis) and Ramin Karimloo (who played the Phantom in Phantom). Exhibit A of our embarrassing fangirl encounter with the talented Ramin Karimloo:

Barb and Mishal (eagerly): So you're from Canada! Are you ever coming back?
Ramin *signing our programs*: If I don't do Phantom's Broadway premiere, I will definitely come back to Canada.
*awkward silence*
Ramin: So where are you girls from?
Barb: We go to UofT.
Mishal: We're from Mississauga
Barb: It's near Square One. Can we take a picture with you?

I don't think that conversation did much to present our brain cells in the greatest light. But Ramin didn't seem to mind. And the entire conversation was filmed, thanks to Elaine. We had a similar experience when we cornered Alistair Brammer for an autograph. Alaana, of course, filmed that entire experience and quite expertly zoomed in on his nicely shaped muscles as he walked away. Epic. Just epic.

And so that goes down in history as my real, honest to goodness, fangirl experience.

FUN FACT: I tried to add Alistair Brammer on Facebook but he rejected my friend request. Ah well, such is life.

3) My Love Affair With European Museums

On Day 2 in Paris, I had my first emotional experience with art. There's just something about being two feet away from a real, authentic Monet that makes you catch your breath. Standing face-to-face with authentic Renoir and Van Gogh paintings quite honestly brought tears to my eyes. These works of art were so incredibly intricate, and yet so incredibly beautiful. And I don't usually cry when I see art. I will never forget that experience at Musee D'Orsay. It wasn't as big as the Louvre, but its effect on me was beyond what I expected. It was so much more than I imagined it would be.

We also spent two hours at the museum gift shop, and I purchased my beloved copies of Renoir's Bal du Moulin de la Galette and Degas' Le foyer de la danse a l'Opera , which will probably hang in my new room in Kingston in September.

FUN FACT: The Mona Lisa is pretty dinky small in real life. No joke, it looks like a dot compared to the other paintings in that particular room. It's funny how I built up such a larger-than-life image of the Mona Lisa in my head. I was therefore quite surprised when I finally saw it. Awesome experience nonetheless.

2) My Love Affair With European Shopping

Who are we kidding? We obviously went shopping. And, friends, let me just mention the shopping gem in London called Primark. Where practically everything is under FIVE POUNDS. If you want a deal, that's where you go! From the boutiques in the Jewish neighbourhood of Le Merais in Paris, Oxford Street (holler) in London, Spittafields Market/Portobello Road/etc in London, Harrods in Knightbridge, London, and the gazillion souvenir shops we visited all over Rome and Paris, we purchased items we knew we could never find at home. Shopping in Europe is a fabulous experience, and souvenir shopping was the highlight of it all. Now I have postcards of every single site we went to, because I'm a nerd like that.

FUN FACT: If you attract the attention of your airline's check-in representative, you will probably bypass security even though your luggage is a gazillion pounds overweight (because of the aforementioned shopping, obviously). And it's at this point where I will, again, thank ALAANA for saving us hundreds of dollars in excess luggage fees because, hey, she's pretty! Wink Wink. We discovered the check-in guy's name and email on her boarding pass after. HILarious. Trust me, we all breathed a sigh of relief when we got through security. So much money saved.

1) My Love Affair With European Atmosphere

I don't think this Love Affair can ever be described in words. Everything felt different in Europe. Looking back, the experience feels quite surreal. Grocery shopping in Paris, purchasing a baguette from a busy Paris bakery as dinnertime approached, wandering the streets of Rome until midnight because we were so very very lost (I don't think there was ever a moment in Rome where we weren't lost!), walking down the Champs Elysees late at night when it's all lit up, walking through the most beautiful park in Le Merais, standing in the middle of Castel Sant Angelo.... I could go on for hours. Europe has a sophisticated yet relaxed atmosphere (Paris in particular) that I can't describe. All I know is that I've fallen in love with the city and the culture. And I am seriously am entertaining the thought of living in Paris for a few months one day, just for the experience. Within the city, people take their time to truly live. They enjoy every single moment and treat each experience as a life-changing one. It's no wonder I've fallen in love with it all.

FUN FACT: Parisians like to "people-watch." It's an art, really. You sit at a cafe and you watch people walk by. I'm not kidding, it is the most entertaining experience. Elaine and I sat down at the aforementioned Cafe Unisex on the Champs Elysees one afternoon and giggled for hours, watching our waiters, the families, the couples, the fashionably dressed men and women, and all the interesting people who called Paris their home. Sitting at a cafe in Paris, reading, chatting, and munching on delicious treats is a must-have experience. It's a must, I tell you!

I will never forget my first trip to Europe. As Mishal, Elaine, Alicia, Wendy, and I start different phases of our lives in September, as some of us move away and some of us start new jobs, I think we will always remember this trip to be remarkable, unforgettable. I think witnessing the great wonders of the world firsthand is something we should all experience. So, friends, as we go through life, let's love wholeheartedly, kiss deeply, hug affectionately, and travel to all the places our hearts desire. There are so many places in the world we have yet to see. Hundreds, Thousands. The thought of what's waiting beyond the parameters of our homes and cities is thrilling. And hopefully one day, I'll have even more travel-related love affairs to share with you all. EUROTRIP 2011? Yes, please!

"If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are gone, either write things worth reading or do things worth writing about."
- Benjamin Franklin

TILL NEXT TIME.

Where The Heart Is: Home

As I got off the GO train at Union Station this morning in Toronto, I was struck with a strange sense of homesickness. I was homesick for Toronto, in Toronto. Does that make any sense? At all? Anyone?

I think the reality of my move to Kingston truly hit me yesterday afternoon when I started packing. I methodically set aside winter clothing, important books from my bookshelf, old notebooks from classes in undergad, school supplies, picture frames, and other items to the point where parts of my room (really, my bookshelf) looked relatively empty. Exciting, but obviously quite scary at the same time. Come September, everything I've known for most of my life will be miles away. Remnants of my life's previous phases will merely sit in photo frames and in old notebooks I'll be taking to Kingston.

And this morning, as I walked out of Union Station, with the reality of my move just three weeks away, that wave of homesickness made me realize how much I'll really and truly miss Toronto. Queen's is a beautiful campus, and I'm sure that Kingston will be an awesome city to live in. But I will, without a doubt, miss my morning GO train rides, the insanely busy Tim Hortons on Front Street and University Avenue, the hustle of Bay Street workers running to get to work on time, the bustle of city life, and the familiarity of a city I've attended school in and travelled to work to for the past five years.

I will miss Toronto and Mississauga very much. I didn't realize the potential to miss my awesome home cities would be so great, and yet here we are. I suppose leaving home for an extended period of time has such an effect on us, but I would like to convey how much I love these cities and how much I'll miss its familiarity and dependability when I'm gone.

Really, it isn't until we leave a person or place that we realize how much we've grown to care. Our affections grow with time, whether we're aware of it or not. And no matter where I go in this world of ours, whether I jet off to England or Boston or an unknown destination for law school next year, whether next year's EUROPTRIP 2011 to Barcelona and Madrid will transpire, whether I travel anywhere else for academic purposes (or otherwise), it's a great comfort knowing that I'll always have dear old Mississauga and Toronto to come home to.

And wherever any of us go in life, that's where your heart will always be. Cliche as it is, you'll always have it waiting for you when you desire to return. Home.

“Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one. Stronger than magicians ever spoke, or spirits ever answered to, in the strongest conjuration.”
- Charles Dickens

The (Not So) Healthy Grad Student - Kicking The Junk Food Habit

In about an hour, I'll be heading out to have dinner with some friends in Brampton. They don't know it yet, but I have a plan. What's that plan, you ask? Well, friends, I'm seriously craving cookie dough right now. That rich, chewy, calorie condensed blend of creamy goodness. I don't know why, I just need to have some right now. This urge to stuff my face with cookie dough is so strong, I tell you! (I guess I should stop wondering why I gained weight this summer. My uncontrollable need to fill my body with junk is probably a major reason).

After dinner, I plan to slyly drop hints that we should head over to Coldstone for dessert. Why Coldstone? Good question. I've discovered an awesome new concoction that only Coldstone can make perfectly: Creamy French Vanilla Baked Ice cream with huge bits of Cookie Dough (!!!), Reese's Peanut Butter Pieces, Graham Cracker bits, Almonds, Pecans, Walnuts, M&Ms, Gummy Bears, AERO chocolate bar bits, and, last but not least, hot fudge sauce. Definitely not disgusting at all! Now if that isn't a smorgasbord of the most random crap thrown together, I don't know what is. But it tastes so very yummy that it'll cause you to contract pangs of your life's greatest cravings, trust me. Trust me.

But I know that as I'll stand in line eager and ready to order my yummy (smorgasbord) concoction, at the back of my mind, and in the most party-pooper of ways, I will probably ask myself if this is the healthiest option for my body. A huge cup of cookie dough ice cream versus an apple when I get home? The healthier option is obvious. But the question is, more often than not, do we pick the healthier option when we're faced with a choice? Come September, as I (we) head to grad school, university, new jobs, should I (we) be chomping on junky options even though we're busy with all our new activities? Actually, at any point of life, should we really be stuffing ourselves with junk?

I'm obviously not promoting a celibrate life free from junk food, ice cream, cake, chocolate, etcetera. But my point is to ask each of us (myself included) if we're guilty of eating too much of it? If we always choose the junky option when we're faced with a healthier option? We're all guilty of it. We've all bypassed the salad bar at least once to have dessert first (well, I have anyway). We've all had at least three pieces of cake in one sitting at least once (well, I have anyway). We've all finished a bag(s) of chips in one sitting at least once (well, I have anyway).....

Oh, let's face it. I can be a glutton when it comes to junk food.

I hang my head in shame, friends.

Choosing the healthier option can span a number of benefits. Decreasing our junk food intake (Lays BBQ chips and Ruffles All Dressed, I'll miss you so) can have a number of positive effects. Kicking the junk food habit is hard, I know. Choosing carrot sticks over a Fudgsicle will be difficult. But when we do so, we should realize that reducing junk food intake can:

1) Reduce our grocery bills. Junk food is expensive, friends!!! Four bucks spent on a bag of chips can contribute to your gas fund for the week.

2) Lower our sugar intake. Decreasing our sugar intake (along with the right amount of exercise) can help us shake off any excess weight we think we should lose. (With all that cookie dough, I'll probably need to).

3) Potentially reduce exposure to a number of health risks. Feeding junk food toxins into our bodies periodically can increase our risk for high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart disease, Type II diabetes, and osteoporosis. I think reducing our junk food intake will subsequently reduce our exposure to these health risks if we continue to maintain a healthy lifestyle at the same time.

4) Help our teeth. Just like coffee can make your teeth yellow (or so legend says), excess sugar we feed into our bodies can cause tooth decay, cavities, and a number of mouth-related issues we probably don't want. Decreasing our junk food intake and taking care of our teeth can go a long way to helping us have healthy pearly whites our dentist (aka my mom) can be proud of.

I'm sure there are more benefits, but these are the only ones I can think of right now. Well, it's going to be hard, but as I head back to school in September, I will try my hardest to choose the healthier option. This doesn't mean I won't partake in sugar goodness sometimes, but I think that kicking the junk food habit will go a long way to benefiting our lives and bodies. And that, friends, is what I hope to do this September. Wish me luck! If you'd like to join me on this quest, let me know!

"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." - Robert Collier

The Grad Life & The "Roots" of Human Emotion

After a long day at work, my parents came home and announced that we'd be devoting our evening to a fun family bonding activity. And to this I jumped up in excitement, wondering what, pray tell, we'd be doing tonight. Well, it turns out they wanted to work on our garden. And by working on our garden, they meant Weed Pulling.

And so decked out in sweatpants (yes, I do own a pair), t-shirt, and a ponytail, my parents and I set out to methodically pull out weeds in our front yard. We've had no time to take care of our grass this summer, and our front yard is literally dying. We're that family on your street you stare at because their front yard has turned an interesting shade of brown. Even nature needs some TLC, friends. We filled bags to the brim with countless weeds. And quite honestly, the process was incredibly time-consuming. Weeds not only kill your grass, but they take forever to find and pull out, especially if you pull them away from the root. Trying to find the rest of the root is downright annoying, especially when they've grown particularly deep.

Weeds are incredibly hard to completely destroy because they dig roots so deep into your soil. Although you try to pull out as much as you can, roots that remain allow weeds to survive despite your greatest efforts. They dig its claws so very deep into the heart of the growing process that healthy, beautiful gass can be damaged, maimed, and eventually destroyed if the roots of weeds aren't pulled out completely.

I'm obviously not a professional gardener. So why am I explaining what I learned during my Dad's (super awesome) family bonding activity? To show off my (not so awesome) botanical knowledge? Wellllll, no. Actually, I think my brief stint as the family gardener can remind us all of an important life lesson we can take with us to grad school, to our (new) jobs and of course, throughout the course of life. Yes friends, even weeds can teach us about a common aspect of human emotion and about our relationships with strangers and each other.

Remember the cashiers at your local Loblaws who rolled their eyes when you asked if the laundry detergent was on sale (let's face it, we're students & we're cheap)? Or the girl who talked behind your back in high school with rumours that were totally false? Or the the guy who boasts about his imaginary riches to impress whoever listens? Or the pitiful girl who self-righteously snarks about girls who go shopping even though she participates in the same activities herself? Or the people who snap at you when you accidentally bump into them on the sidewalk? Or the people who walk past you without saying hello even though they clearly saw you (hi, are you twelve?)? Friends, who are we kidding? We meet so-called "jerks" everyday. And no matter what we say to them, they're too wrapped up in protecting themselves and their own perspectives that they make no effort to be understanding, kind, or accommodating to others.

Case in point: My Dad and I were walking past the Premier Fitness at the plaza on Dundas and Dixie over the weekend when we saw a big red sign that said "Free Hot Dog Lunch!" A few other people paused in interest, and we all walked over. The guy beside the sign told us that we had to obtain a lunch ticket inside the gym. So we all headed inside (around 8 of us) to obtain this awesome, free lunch ticket! Booyah! This was perfect, we were staving! And so my Dad and another man went to the front desk and had the following conversation:

Girl At The Front Desk: Can I help you guys?
Dad and Other Man: Yeah, is there a free lunch ticket we can get?
Girl At The Front Desk: *stares at them, then rolls her eyes*
Girl At The Front Desk: (ignores them and turns to the 2 other girls at the desk) Oh my GOD, what is wrong with people today? What kind of cheap idiots keep wanting free stuff?

You read that right. She really said that. Brilliant response to potential Premier Fitness customers, yes?

I'm heading to a new school and a new city in September. And I'm sure many of you reading this will be starting new phases of your lives someday soon. Let my gardening adventures remind all of us that, in the various situations of everyday life, we can meet a number of rude, sullen, snarky, or self-righteous people. It happens all the time. People rub you the wrong way and you wonder why. And quite honestly, when you think about it, the reasons behind such attitudes compare very much to the stubborn roots killing the grass in my front yard.

Huh? Lost? Let me explain. I've come to realize that these people have deeper problems than what shows at face value. Rudeness, snark, and self-righteousness can be the result of problems that have dug roots into the soil of their hearts and minds, with their pain manifesting through to their actions and to how they treat others. From the snarky girl actually struggling for acceptance and love from her husband, to the angry man you bumped into on the sidewalk painstakingly trying to fix his relationship with his wife, to the rude cashier worrying about her financial situation, to the rude acquaintance struggling for self-confidence and control, to the girl who spread rumours because of self-esteem issues.

Just like the weeds and grass growing in my front yard, I'm sure we all know that humans have roots. Love, pain, joy, happiness, misery, longing: human emotions have roots that dig so very deep into the heart, fueled by (often complicated) relationships and (somtimes disheartening) circumstances beyond anyone's control. Although it may be hard to accept, I think we should remember that the people who are rude to us may have a deeper, more complex reason for being so. Maybe they don't mean to specifically hurt us or attack us. On the contrary, their anger is directed at us for a reason that may not be related to us at all.

We all have problems of some sort. And I suppose the more disheartening, painful circumstances of life can affect how people negatively treat others. And while we may never want to be friends with these people (like we'd ever want to be friends with Jenny Humphrey?), let my front yard adventures teach us all something about the importance of compassion and love towards those who need it. The amount of time it took for me to pull out those (annoying) weeds helped me realize that just like the strong, deep weeds damaging my grass, humans as well have deep, complex problems that have strong roots. And without invested time, love, compassion, and kindness, these roots will harden and damage relationships if they aren't completely pulled out and forever destroyed.

Let's be careful with the people we meet. I've learned very recently that, cliche as it may be, there's more to a person than meets the eye. And while their rudeness will forever be a turn-off, we shouldn't settle on despising them. And while we can't fix their problems, we can do something else. We can try to understand them.

"There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist."
~ Mark Twain

Coffee (Dates) - An Awesome Social Bonding Tool

I'll be honest, even though I never drink coffee, I still harbour a soft spot for a cup or two when I'm tired or when I'm, obviously, eating a piece of banana bread. Ever tried having coffee with banana bread? It's heavenly. For some odd reason, when I drink coffee with banana bread, the coffee doesn't taste like dirt. Interesting.

While drinking coffee isn't a particular habit of mine, I do know people who are total, utter slaves to morning coffee. Seriously, I have co-workers who can't function in the morning without that steaming, must-have cup of cream & sugar goodness. They just can't start their day without it.

But as we continue to build and maintain the relationships we have with others, I think an important thing to keep in mind is that coffee can function as way more than a morning pick-me-up. Coffee (or any other type of drink found in our local coffee shops, if we choose) can help us in ways beyond physical satisfaction. The concept of The Coffee Date is so often used as a super effective social bonding tool to catch up with friends, go over the latest study & lecture notes, and of course, it can be the sly opportunity to meet with and get to know your potential crush in a casual, relaxed setting. Romance has been known to brew (get my pun? hah) and develop over coffee, so let this be a little lesson for those hesitant to invite a secret crush to an hour of chatting at your local, trusty Tim Horton's. Wink wink.

Coffee dates serve a variety of purposes. But they all consist of the same important theme of bonding by using coffee (or coffee shop drinks) as the bridge to build and maintain a relationship. Let's take a look...

1) The Coffee Date As A Catch-Up Mechanism

I love coffee catch-up dates with friends. My schedule can get pretty hectic, from a full-time job, volunteering, band practice, tutoring, and other extra-curriculars I'm involved with. And I know many of my friends also juggle a number of priorities every week. That's why I love sitting down over a steaming cup (of coffee, tea, whatever we choose) and talk about what's going on with us, despite how busy we may be. Coffee dates have allowed me to keep in touch with friends from high school, hang out with friends in university despite the lack of having classes together, and its allowed me to catch up with friends who I don't see on a regular basis.

It's also the perfect opportunity to continue getting to know a new friend. Catching up periodically helps to maintain and strengthen a new friendship with people you've recently met at work, at school, or through other friends. And honestly, the bottom line is that "catching up" is so important for our relationships with others, especially when we're all so busy and preoccupied with life in general. Sitting down with a good friend to talk about the life that consumes us is one of the nicest, relaxing things we can do, and doing so maintains or builds a bond with people we've grown to care about very much.

2) The Coffee Date As A Study Session

I love studying and reading in a coffee shop. I don't know why, I just do. Especially during the holiday season when Christmas music is playing and all the lights are up. Oh yes, I do love parking myself in the middle of Starbucks or Tim Horton's while reading a good article or book. Even though the hours I spend there end up leaving a pretty strong scent of coffee beans and biscotti on my hair, clothing, and jackets when I leave (What? Nothing shampoo and a spritz of Febreeze can't get rid of).

But coffee dates with study buddies can actually serve as a perfect opportunity to 1) actually study and learn some pretty good information and more importantly, 2) get to know other classmates. Hanging out beyond the tutorial room or lecture hall setting fosters a more relaxed rapport between classmates. It sets the way for conversation that doesn't have to relate to school, to how much our TA annoys us, and to how much we love (or hate) our professor. And while these types of conversations can still occur in a lecture setting, I don't think it can compare to the atmosphere coffee dates or coffee shops provide. And once you're all done going over lecture notes and study guides, you'll have the opportunity to chat, to bond, and perhaps hang out somewhere else without school priorities hanging over your head. And voila, you've made a new friend. :)

3) The Coffee Date As An Actual Date

Disclaimer: The following comments on the coffee date as An Actual Date with romantic connotations are results of what I've witnessed from reactions and experiences of friends and people I know. They aren't generalizations and don't have to apply to everyone. But let the following briefly serve as an indication of The Coffee Date's casual atmosphere in comparison to the scary, romantic outings that some people may be super scared of!

So here we go. Hello, Boys (Guys, Men, etc.) reading my blog, I'd like to let you know that contrary to any of your fears, from what I've seen, girls don't tend to turn down an invitation for a coffee date. Unless she thinks you're a major creep (or douche, whatever), I actually think you have a pretty good chance. Hey, Girls (Women, Chicks, etc.) reading my blog, I want you to know that it isn't the end of the world to ask a guy out for coffee. You don't have to wait around for days (months, years, if its to your liking) for an invitation to Tim Horton's. Please. It isn't that big a deal to ask him first.

Here's why. I think coffee dates aren't as much a major date setting compared to, say, dinner & a movie. It's a lot more casual, relaxed, and a type of meeting you can run easily away from if the date quickly turns into a hot mess. And if you end up having absolutely zero chemistry and nothing in common, you can both gulp down your coffee/hot chocolate/tea/whatever and hurry out of there with various excuses (I have to go to work, I have to go make dinner, I have to walk the dog, etc.), which is something you can't easily do during a movie or dinner.

Coffee dates can be an awesome time to get to know your potential romantic interest. And you don't even have to dress up! You learn things about them you didn't previously know about, you get to know each other better, and its a casual opportunity to check on your compatibility, chemistry, and potential for a more "major" type of date like dinner & a movie, maybe lunch, or dinner & a museum (Sorry, I'm running out of ideas for type-of-date examples, lol. And if you're wondering who in their right mind would spend a date at a museum, I actually would, my nerdiness takes over everything, I know!)

So for those still contemplating that seemingly life-or-death-decision on whether to ask someone you may be interested in for coffee, I say to go for it. As another plus, coffee dates are so casual that your relationship won't suffer too much awkwardness if you don't progress into something more than friends. Good luck to all. ;)

Conclusions

Overall? Coffee (dates) can help us in a number of ways. They build friendships, maintain friendships, create relationships, among other things. And ultimately, in this busy life of ours, and as we continue to grow up and potentially go our separate ways (to grad school, to a new job, to a new city, to a new country), the concept of coffee as something to bond over is so important in order to keep in touch and maintain the relationships we have with each other, romantic or otherwise.

"Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends."
- Richard Bach in Illusions

Crimes Against Humanity & The Road To Justice

Scrolling through the week's headlines, its interesting to note that Khmer Rouge prison chief Duch, has officially and finally been convicted of crimes against humanity, almost forty years after the Cambodian genocide.

To read the full article, click here. For plans to appeal his sentence, click here.

I'm not very familiar with the Khmer Rouge reign in Cambodia at all. While I've heard references to the genocide, I haven't studied it nor have I really read up on it. However, at the face of it, what does seem strangely familiar about this recent conviction is the process of convicting the notorious leaders of well-known war crimes, genocide, and crimes against humanity.

In my fourth year, I was able to take a Holocaust course with an amazing pofessor who opened my eyes to aspects of genocide that never previously crossed my mind. And in this class, I discovered one of the most eye-opening books I've ever read. If you choose to read it (borrow my copy, if you like), I promise you that this book will move you, challenge you, and perhaps even make you tear up just a litle. This book, Gitta Sereny's Into That Darkness: An Examination of Conscience, follows the life of Franz Stangl, commandant of two of Hitler's four mass extermination camps (Treblinka and Sobibor). As a result of Sereny's conversations with Stangl in his prison cell, the book takes us through his early life, his eventual affiliation with the Nazi party, his reign of Sobibor and Treblinka, his escape aftter the war, and eventually his arrest and death.

While there were many aspects of this book that struck me, I was particularly fascinated by how long it took to finally and officially find and convict Stangl of his crimes. The escape of Nazi affiliates, SS guards, and those involved in extermination and concentration camps was well-known in post-war Europe. With the help of friends and associates, Stangl himself was able to escape to Brazil with his family to live a normal life until Simon Weisenthal (Nazi hunter extraordinaire) eventually led his arrest. He was officially convicted in 1970, twenty-five years after the war ended.

Why does it take so long to arrest or convict well-known, infamous leaders for their crimes in history? While we can take into account the priorities and state of post-war Europe, we cannot deny that there were (and are) still many Nazi collaborators and genocide contributors who were not fully convicted or recognized for their part in the Holocaust. Quick convictions and punishments for heinous crimes seems like an obvious priority, but history shows that it isn't. The road to justice is a long one, and while I don't fully know the answer to my question above, I think that the length of time to either arrest or convict wartime criminals can find its roots in the friendships/relationships/affiliations that wartime criminals hold with those still in power. Stangl, as I mentioned, was protected by a number of Nazi supporters in post-war Europe, resulting in his escape to Brazil. I'll re-iterate a quote written on one of my favourite t-shirts: "Everything is political." Politics is a funny thing, friends, and it's everywhere, even in the face of the most tragic circumstances. And despite the deaths of thousands of people, political loyalties can still hold true to protect those who took part in historical crimes, no matter how tragic they were. Loyalties can last for months, for years, until (at least for some wartime leaders) criminals are submitted for trial and conviction.

Side Note: Another interesting aspect of war crime conviction is denial. I mentioned above that Duch plans to appeal his prison sentence... despite his role in the murder and torture of thousands of innnocent people. In Sereny's book, Stangl himself never ever truly admits to his part in the murder of thousands. He admits to feeling a sense of unexplainable sorrow, a sense of regret about the Holocaust, but he never directly addresses the deaths in Treblinka and Sobibor as murders he was involved in, despite the years he spent in his prison cell.

While a number of individuals sit and wait their turn for trials, from those involved in the Rwandan genocide, the murders in Kosovo, those involved with the Khmer Rouge, and a number of others, the obvious goal will always be justice. And despite the problems of bureaucracy, political friendships, and length of procedure, the sense of justice delivered at an eventual conviction will forever be priceless, particularly for the families and friends of those who did not live to see it.

The Grad Life & The Meaning of Friendship

So let me share a sweet little story with all of you. In Grade 2, my teacher introduced a new girl to the class. She had just moved to the neighbourhood and knew absolutely no one. Naturally, our tiny heads swivelled to check out the new girl decked out in 90's style floral leggings (don't lie, girls. you know you had a pair), t-shirt, and ponytail. As we headed to recess, I took my snack baggy full of cheezy Doritos outside and I noticed the New Girl sitting by herself. I headed over to offer her some of my Doritos (I was so excited, my mother NEVER bought chips when I was younger, and this was a rare treat!). She seemed relieved that someone was talking to her, and we played on the see-saw the rest of recess. I found out that New Girl liked the same books and TV shows I did, and we quickly bonded over a fervent discussion about DJ's breakup with Steve Hale (See: Full House, Season 7, Episode 19). New Girl quickly became one of my best friends. And to this day, throughout elementary, middle school, high school, and university, she has still remained an incredibly awesome, close friend who I will always treasure and value. Seriously, all because of that bag of Doritos! ;)

These days, we're a little too old to make friends by offering snacks from the baggies our mothers packed for us. As we go through life as 20-somethings, I highly doubt that a mere bag of Doritos will now do the trick to foster a lifelong friendship.

I'm sure all of us in our twenties and late teens have noticed that as we grow older, it gets harder and harder to meet and make close friends, simply because we don't have as much time. If you're in the working world, you work a 9 am - 5:00 pm job, head home, eat dinner, and sleep for 5 days a week. On the weekends and Friday nights, you hang out with the same group of friends who you've known for ages. If you're still in school, your life consists of studying, class, potentially a part-time job, and hanging out with the same group of people you've known since high school or the small clique you formed during your frosh year.

But grad school is full of older students in their early to mid twenties. We aren't frosh anymore. We're older, a tad bit wiser, and have a bit more life experience than we did when we entered university as wide-eyed 18-year olds. I have no idea how the social setting will be in September as I join the ranks of grad students in Kingston. But I do know that while I look forward to making new friends, I also won't forget the ones I have.

Seriously, Barney knew what he was talking about. The lessons that purple dinosaur taught us were true: as we get older, we learn to appreciate the friendships we've made and maintained over the years, from middle school, high school or university. And so wherever we're at in life, I think we should always remember this: cherish, treasure, and keep in touch with the close friends you've made. Wherever you are and wherever you're off to in September, don't forget how valuable these people are to you. They know you inside and out and value you just as you treasure them.

And when we're old and gray, we'll think back and have each other to thank for all the essays we helped each other edit, all the the all-nighters we went through together in high school and university, all the trips we took together (overseas or otherwise. Eurotrip 2010, holler), all the in-depth discussions we had about our potential careers, all the shopping trips we went on where we spent way more than we should have. We'll have each other to thank for the boyfriends we're not married to, all the random road trips we've taken to take a break from school (Buffalo!! Stratford!!), all the impromptu dinners/lunches/coffee dates, and all the moments that, put together, have created a friendship that will last despite distance and changing lifestyles.

We're at an age and point in life where things change ever so quickly. But, if you so choose, there will always be one thing that never changes: your groups of friends who will never fail you, who will always stand with you to celebrate your achievements and successes, and who will always be there, for the rest of your lifetime.

"There is nothing more important than friendships that endure, especially in a world that insists on changing."
- Desperate Housewives