Your Girlfriend, Your Boyfriend, & Your Friends - Finding The Balance In Relationships

As we approach life in our mid-20s, I'm sure we've all noticed that we live in a world where our friends are starting to get engaged, or are settling into relationships they expect will last their lifetimes (clearly, we aren't 18 years old anymore).

I turn 24 years old in a month, and I've sure as heck noticed the engagement phenomenon. And the "coupling-up" phenomenon. You know, when the "I" turns into a "we" and you show up at every social event together. I get it. We're at an age where people are starting to realize that, university has ended (well, for most of us, anyway. Boo to me), we've settled into the working world, we've grown up, we're adults, and that, for some us, come a few years, we'll be settling down and starting families of our own.

Erm. Side note. I can't believe I turn 24 in a month. But, moving on.

Anyway, I understand that people are "looking." Lavalife doesn't make all that money for nothing. And I understand that, once people find someone they actually really, really like, they'll want to spend all their time with them. Spending all your time on the phone, texting each other at work, making weekend plans. I get it. And, I'm happy for you. There's nothing I love more than seeing my friends find a significant other they truly, truly care about.

But, let me share a story with you, my friends. A story that, I'm sure, many reading this can relate to.

This is a true story of a friend of a friend of a friend. Generic enough that, really, it could be about anyone. This is a story of a group of friends who have known each other for years. Since high school, in fact. A close group of friends, you know? The kind you'll know for the rest of your life, the kind who have lived your most embarrassing moments with you. But, you see, one day, things changed. Because, one day, one of these friends met a girl. A girl he grew to know and love. And as he began a relationship with said girl, he stopped seeing his closest friends. He stopped taking their calls, stopped answering their text messages. He just stopped. Cut off everything. And, it wasn't even on purpose, really. He just wanted to spend all his time with his girlfriend, you know? Said friends tried all they could to contact him, to get to know his new girlfriend. But, this friend. He stopped hanging out with them, stopped attending social events, dinners, lunches. He spent all his time with said girl and her friends that, two years later, upon his break-up with said girl, he picked up his phone and realized that... he had no one to call. He had grown apart from his closest friends, he had estranged himself so much for the sake of a relationship that eventually ended.

And so, here's another true story. Of a friend of a friend of a friend, of course. A story of a group of close girlfriends. They've known each other for years, you know. The kind of girlfriends who have known you long enough that they attended those horrid middle school dances with you. And yet, one day, things changed towards the end of their university careers. One of these girls met a boy. And, like all these stories go, she grew to know him, and to love him. And, just like the boy in the story above, she grew distant from her closest girlfriends. Spending everyday with said boyfriend. She stopped hanging out with her girlfriends, stopped taking their calls. She spent all her time with him and his friends. It wasn't on purpose, really. She was just so consumed and invested in her relationship that she just, I guess, forgot about her friends. And, upon their break-up three years later, she picked up the phone and realized that... she had no one to call. She had ignored her friends for the sake of a relationship that eventually ended.

Friends, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. I've heard these stories time and time again. That a friend spends wayyyy too much time with his girlfriend or her boyfriend. That a friend never comes to parties anymore because he/she is hanging out with his/her significant other instead. They don't come to dinners, lunches, annual camping trips. I have friends who have pushed their friends away to the point that they basically become strangers. Everything you are, everything you do is about your significant other. Nothing else.

Everything is a "we." The individuality is gone. And the closest, most treasured friendships grow distant and eventually fall apart because these individuals are so consumed in their relationships with their significant other.

Basically, there's no balance.

Now, I'm not disapproving of having a significant other. God, no. Please don't misunderstand. I'm not sitting here as a spinster grad student (god, I hope not, anyway) disapproving of young love. (Although I do have the granny glasses to pull it off!)

What I'm saying is, simply put. Don't forget about your friends.

The thing is, I completely understand where the two people in the stories above are coming from. I completely understand what it's like to be in a relationship with someone you care about. That your schedules revolve around each other, that you talk on the phone everyday, that you text each other while you're at work. I understand that. And that's normal, of course. And for those of you who have found this relationship, I'm sincerely happy for you.

But, life is complicated. And finding that perfect balance between spending time with your girlfriend/boyfriend and your friends can be difficult. And it's especially difficult when you and your significant other have separate groups of friends. Who don't know each other. Who don't hang out together.

I have no answers for you. Just plain, old, vague advice. Find that balance in your relationships. You can have your dates and hang out with your friends too, you know? Introduce your significant other to your friends. Hang out together. Party together. Have dinners, lunches, snacks, outings, together.

Because, you see, while you've found a girl or a boy you think you may want to spend the rest of your life with, there's something you may forget. That, if handled with care, you'll be spending the rest of your life with your friends too.

Don't carelessly forget about them. Don't let them become strangers.

I've seen too many friendships fall apart because of the above reasons. And, as we grow older, and it becomes increasingly difficult to make new friends in these busy lives we lead, treasuring the ones we have is essential.

These are the people who want to get to know your significant other. These are the people who you'll call to excitedly tell about promotions at work. Who want to be there when big changes in your life occur. These are the people you'll call when (if you choose) you get engaged. When you move into your first home. These are the people you'll call on those Christmases down the road, who you'll hang out with on New Years Eves in the future. These are the people you've grown up with, and, perhaps, you'll grow old with.

We've lived a sufficient amount of 20-ish years where we can say that many people have walked in and out of our lives, drifting in and drifting out. But, we have close groups of friends that haven't walked out.

And, if these friendships handled with care, perhaps they never will.

Find that balance. It's more important than we realize.

"If there is ever a tomorrow when we are not together, there is something you must always remember: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think, but most important of all, even if we are apart, I'll always be with you."
- Christopher Robin to Pooh

"I have friends in overalls whose friendships I would not swap for the favor of the kings of the world."
- Thomas A. Edison

“Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.”
- Mark Twain

Lessons Learned From Grumpy Old Men - My Trip Home From Kingston To Toronto

Yesterday, I woke up at the crack of dawn to figure out my packing situation for the long weekend. I've mentioned a number of times on this blog, prior to my trips home, that I'm a chronic overpacker. Ever met those people who don't know the meaning of "pack lightly"? Even if they're only going to be away for a few days? That's me. I never know what to pack. Even when I was younger, I'd pack my life away in numerous duffel bags on my way to sleepovers (until my parents would throw their hands up in frustration and made me re-pack).

But, no matter. Because, I'm home! Home for the long weekend! Ah, it feels so good to be back. Hope everyone has a great long weekend, it's sure to be a good one!

But, I learned a lesson on my way home yesterday.

Hopping on the city bus (with just a mere backpack, duffel bag, and purse, I know, WHAT A PACKING SUPERSTAR!), I headed over to Kingston's local bus terminal where my Coach bus was leaving at 10:00 am, bound for Toronto.

I arrived an hour early, with time to kill. So I walked over to the Tim Horton's located beside the terminal to get some breakfast. As I walked in, I blinked. The coffee shop was full, and I mean full, of old men. Not that it was overtly weird... but it kind of was. Oddly fascinating.

Because, it was like a scene from the movies. I mean, it wasn't like there was an old man convention going on. That bus terminal is pretty much located in the middle of nowhere. It just looked so fascinating, you know? The tables were flooded with old men, chatting.

Think of that classic, stereotypical scene of old men sitting around a coffee shop chatting with their friends about life. That's what I saw. Old men in corduroy pants, plaid shirts, jean jackets, perfectly parted gray hair, cell phones bigger than your forearms. The coffee shop was full of them. All sitting in their old men cliques, chatting with their friends over coffee.

But that wasn't the weird part.

Luckily, I spotted an empty table, hurried over to dump my things on the table, and turned to order a breakfast sandwich and tea to satisfy my growling tummy. After I was handed my order, I sat happily in my corner, unravelled my sandwich, and happily texted my friends that, YES, I WAS AT THE BUS TERMINAL AND I WAS COMING HOME, BABY!

Until, of course, my penchant for eavesdropping got the better of me.

At the table beside me sat a clique of five old men. And, after listening for a few minutes, I figured out two of their names. Albert and Johnson. Cute, right? Except, their conversation was far from endearing.

"Albert, we're going to die soon," Johnson said glumly, chomping on his chocolate dipped donut.

"Why do you say that?" Albert asked.

"Because, we're old, damnit," Johnson snapped. "All our friends are gone. We're bored everyday. I say, we're going to die soon too."

"How did we get so old?" Another man chirped, sighing dejectedly, "We really are going to die."

"What do we have to live for?" the fourth one wailed, "We're too old to golf, too old to shop, too old to do anything."

"We might as well just die," Johnson sighed.

How morbidly depressing. And as I looked around, eavesdropping on other conversations, the other old men at other tables were talking in the same vein.

There was the conversation about Smith with the "bad heart" and how "he had it coming." The conversation on how "bingo was getting boring." The conversation on how "the grandkids don't visit anymore." The conversation on how "life is so boring, we might as well just die." They all seemed to reach that conclusion.

It was so sad. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to reach over and give them all hugs, but, you know, they would have thought I was insane.

I remember volunteering at retirement homes with my parents last year, playing the piano for elderly folks just like the men in that coffee shop. And just like the men in that coffee shop, they all sat in their beds or chairs. Wistful, sad, bored, lonely. Th men in that coffee shop kept saying life was boring. That they felt so alone.

No one deserves that, you know?

How sad, how lonely it must be to live life like that. And, that's the thing. Yesterday was just a wakeup call for me. That there are people out there, young or old, who may need someone to talk to, who may need someone to entertain them in the midst of their current issues. There are people out there who are lonely, who may have problems they haven't told anybody. Sometimes, people just need someone to care about them. Someone to love them, to be their friend.

We all might be busy and overwhelmed with this grad life, but it shouldn't stop us from checking in with our friends, relatives, parents, to see if they're doing alright. There are many people, older or younger, out there who may need help valuing each day we're given. Who desire friendship, love, companionship. Let's not get so wrapped up in our own affairs that we forget to check up and spend time with those we care about, yea? Seeing those men yesterday greatly concerned me. Whose checking up on them, I wonder?

Sorry, that was a little sappy. End corny blog post. And, I've just given myself a major guilt trip for skipping out on volunteering at the retirement home since September.

Boo to me.

I hope you all have a wonderful long weekend, spending time with those you love and those you care about!

"The vast majority of human beings dislike and even dread all notions with which they are not familiar. Hence, it comes about that, at their first appearance, innovators have generally been persecuted, and always derided as fools and madmen."
- Aldous Huxley

"A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination."
- Nelson Mandela

The Quarter Life Crisis - Do We All Go Through It?

It's funny. I don't think I've met a single person my age who hasn't gone through a quarter life crisis. Or at least a mild version of the quarter life crisis. Is this a sign of getting old? Uh, I hope not.

For a definition of the quarter life crisis, click here.
For those who don't know what to do with their lives, click here and here.

The other day, while catching up with a friend who recently moved to Toronto for a new job, I asked that million dollar question.

"Hey," I asked suddenly, "Have you ever gone through a quarter life crisis?"

Without missing a beat, he replied, "Yeah, of course. I just got over mine."

"Really?!" I asked incredulously, "How'd you get over it?"

"Oh, you know. It passes. I got a job," he replied casually, "Mine was pretty bad though. I didn't have a job and I didn't know what to do with my life. So I almost bought a motorcycle. I just wanted to, you know, feel young and in control again."

Young and in control again? He's 23!

What is the Quarter Life Crisis? Here's an excerpt from an article I recently read:

"This phenomenon, known as the “Quarterlife Crisis,” is... unrelenting indecision, isolation, confusion and anxiety about working, relationships and direction is reported by people in their mid-twenties to early thirties who are usually urban, middle class and well-educated; those who should be able to capitalize on their youth, unparalleled freedom and free-for-all individuation. They can’t make any decisions, because they don’t know what they want, and they don’t know what they want because they don’t know who they are."
- Welcome To Your Quarter Life Crisis

The month before I graduated university last year, I was so uncertain about where my life was going that I felt queasy at the thought of graduation. I, quite literally, thought my life was over. I was undecided about taking a year off after graduation. I hadn't written the LSAT yet. I hadn't applied to law school yet. I hadn't applied for graduate school yet. I didn't have a job lined up for the year after graduation yet. In short, my life was in limbo. I had absolutely no idea what to do with my life. Or my degree. Like, what was I doing to do with a Political Science degree?! And if there was ever a time in my life that I doubted going to law school, it was the months leading up to graduation.

A month before graduation, I remember my friends and I sitting at our local Starbucks in desolation. Here we were. Women in our early 20's. Educated. About to graduate university. And having absolutely no idea where our lives were going. Many of our friends were getting engaged, getting married. Other friends were interviewing for jobs, applying for internships. And yet, while we knew all those opportunities sounded awesome, we didn't know what we wanted. While we had doors open to us, we didn't know which doors to walk into.

Most importantly, we didn't want to grow up.

School had always been an unknown yet reliable comfort. It's where we went every day for the past fourteen years. And suddenly, those days were coming to an end. Worse yet, things weren't going according to The Plan we had for post-graduation. You know, going to law school, grad school, medical school, journalism school, volunteering abroad, teaching abroad. We used to have our lives planned out. But by the time university graduation rolled around, things weren't going according to The Plan.

In short, the unknown scared us. Not knowing where we would be next year scared us. And for a number of graduating students, that's a prevalent yet completely normal fear.

This all defines the Quarter Life Crisis, my dear friends. Facing the fact that you're growing up can be hard. And it's a big deal.

If those feelings of uncertainty, fear, lack of direction about the big, bad, future sound familiar, I assure you, I can relate. Yet for those of you going through this early-twenties-quarter-life-crisis right now, please take heart. I know that uncertainty over your future is a huge deal. In fact, it's a big deal. But the assurance I can provide is this: the uncertainty will pass. The future will come sooner or later, and come a few months, you'll start making decisions that form what your future will look like. Not knowing will soon becoming knowing. Does that make sense? One day, this time in ~life limbo~ will be a distant memory.

We all have big decisions to make in the next few months. Decisions that will shape our futures. Our lives, forever. And if there's anything I can say to encourage all of us who are uncertain about our time post-Queen's, it's this: you are all so very capable of doing more than you think you can. Don't ever place limits on your capabilities, on possibilities for next year. We're young, we have big, bright futures ahead of us. Yet achieving those opportunities won't come if we aren't confident about ourselves.

You are all bright, intelligent, wonderful people. And that big and scary future is there for you to conquer. I have no doubt that you'll kick this Quarter Life Crisis where it hurts, yea?

"Begin each day as if it were on purpose."
- Hitch

"Have patience with all things. But first of all, with yourself."
- St. Francis de Sales

"Time comes to us softly, slowly. It sits beside us for a while. Then, long before we are ready, it moves on."
- Jacqueline Woodson

The Token Bad Day - A Grad Student's 24 Hours Of Terrible

I suppose a post like this would have been written sooner or later. I'm surprised I haven't been inclined to write a similar post earlier.

Anyway. Remember my post yesterday about how fantastic this week was going? Scratch that. With the risk of sounding like I have a split personality (I really don't!), today was the exact opposite yesterday. Weather-wise. And, well, everything-wise.

I've realized that this blog gives off a false impression of a graduate student's life. And for this, dear readers, I am sorry. Because here's the thing. Contrary to the impressions I've been giving off the past few months, the grad life isn't perpetually strewn with rainbows and unicorns. Butterflies, ponies, kitties, chocolate covered almonds. Also, side note: why is my blog so, so pink? Annoying. (You see? I told you. Bad day).

But here's my point. The grad life is not easy. It might seem like common sense, but I feel the need to finally, explicitly admit it on this blog.

I can't stress enough that graduate school can, at times, be difficult. I walked past a group of little girls (okay, they weren't little. But you know what I mean) chatting in Mackintosh-Corry's cafeteria today, scoffing at how "easy" grad school would be next year.

Um. Hey, little girls. News flash. It isn't.

The grad life isn't easy. While it is predominantly a rewarding, awesome, fantastic experience, it's also incredibly challenging to juggle all your responsibilities, all your tasks, all your work.

The grad life can be uncertain. It can be tense. It can be stressful. It challenges your mind, your will, your emotions, your heart.

There are some days when you walk out of your office, out the building, into the library, only to sink down into the closest seat you plant your eyes on. You slump down, you wonder how you'll get all your work done in such a short amount of time. You bury your face in your hands and wonder what, pray tell, you're even doing in grad school. You can't do this. This is too freaking hard. This is really really really hard. I can't write all this. I can't read all this. I can't do this. I can't deal with all of this. You can't make me. I'm not cut out for this.

And you don't want to burst into tears because, you know, you're a big strong adult and all. But that's exactly how you feel. You feel like crying from the stress, from potential disappointment, from the omnipresent workload that haunts your every step.

For those landing on my blog as you research grad school, I want to warn you that you might get days like this (I say 'might' just in case some of you have supernatural superpowers). Days when the workload is overwhelming. Days when you doubt your competence, your intelligence, your skills. Days where you clutch your hair and wonder why you entered academia.

I guess today was mine.

And there are some days when your future isn't as dependable as you thought. You realize that some dreams might stay just that. Pipe dreams you can no longer depend on.

And it's days like this that can sometimes bring you down. Where the only thing that can cure your funk is a good night's sleep or a relaxing evening watching your favourite TV shows.

I don't mean to paint a picture of grad school as an excruciatingly painful experience. It's not. Bad days happen. And I suppose tomorrow, I'll visit my blog and gaze in horror at the negativity exuding from this blog post.

But tomorrow's another day. I'll let Future Barbara throw a tantrum at herself for writing such a depressing blog post. Right now, I'll rest on the fact (as should all of you experiencing the token Bad Day) that bad days pass. This will, really, pass. Worries will eventually go away. And it makes us appreciate the better, not-so-stressful days more, yea?

"Be polite to all, but intimate with few."
- Thomas Jefferson

"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little bit of each other everywhere."
- Tim McGraw

I Will Never (Hopefully) Procrastinate Again... (Cross Your Fingers)

I feel like this is a mantra I need to keep repeating to myself. Repeatedly. Over and over again. Why did I do this to myself? I never do this. Why now? Why?

I cannot even begin to explain how exhausted I am right now. I feel like I just ran a marathon. Or spent five hours at the gym. Or went through a life-changing crisis that required me to lose hours and hours of sleep. But really, none of this is true. I sheepishly admit that I lost hours of sleep merely because of my own procrastinating foolishness.

But I learned my lesson this weekend. I promise, I will never procrastinate again.

This all started during Reading Week when, in denial, I didn't mark as many student essays as I should have. I was enjoying my time at home, you see. And really, I was in denial about marking so many essays. I also didn't finish writing the 15 pages of my Elections essay that I should have written. I also didn't finish reading ahead for Canadian Politics. I also, most importantly, didn't finish editing my Canadian Politics critical review essay.

And now that Reading Week is over, I've been punished for my procrastinating ways. This past weekend was agonizing. Beyond anything I can explain in words. Actually, three words sum it up: I. Need. Sleep.

The Barbara of Reading Week was at home, spending time with friends and family, and, most importantly, sleeping in. She woke up every morning, glanced at her pile of work in disdain and walked past her desk.

"I'll let Future Barbara worry about that," she said dismissively, "I'll do it tomorrow."

Fail.

Major mistake.

I will never let Future Barbara worry again. Ever. Future Barbara cannot wake up with dark circles under her eyes after a mere 3 hours of sleep. Future Barbara cannot be a slave to caffeine. Future Barbara cannot suffer from sleep deprivation when she writes future blog posts. Yes, Future Barbara will continue to do her work days or weeks in advance.

I learned my lesson this weekend. I promise, Future Barbara, I will never procrastinate again.

I don't think I've ever been as stressed this year as I was this past weekend. To the point that I spent 8 hours at the law library on Friday, 8 hours at the law library on Saturday, and 6 hours at the law library on Sunday.

Um. I don't think that was healthy. I spent more time at the library than I did at my own house. Actually, I spent more time at the library this weekend than I did sleeping combined. Yes, let's review those numbers. This was a problem.

I don't know about you, but as the work began to pile up last week, on top of all the essays we had to mark, I started to panic. So overwhelmed, I felt like I was drowning. The sinking feeling you get when procrastination catches up to you is terrifying. This cannot happen again.

But I learned my lesson this weekend. I promise, Future Barbara, I will never procrastinate again.

Now that the weekend is over, I feel like I can breathe again. I finished reading 200 pages I was required to read. I finished marking 50 student essays. I finished writing a weekly reading response. I finished writing a paper. I finished an outline of another paper.

And now? I'm off to crawl to bed, relieved that this wretched weekend is over. And starting tomorrow, I'm doing my work days and weeks in advance. There is no way this is happening again. EVER!!

"There are a million ways to lose a work day, but not even a single way to get one back."
- Tom DeMarco and Timothy Lister

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
- Bertrand Russell

The Optimistic Realist - New Years Resolutions 2011

For those of you who know my mother, you may have had the pleasure of sitting through one of her elaborate meals. And when I say elaborate, I do mean elaborate. To the point where you have leftovers for a week. Now imagine my mother's cooking during the holiday season. It's enough to feed an army, I tell you. And so, I'll be honest, right now, our fridge is pretty much overflowing with food. And who else will eat the leftovers besides us? Not that I'm complaining. After three months of cooking for myself, I was beyond eager to eat my mother's cooking again.

And so, I've been perpetually eating.

All the time.

I've been home for two weeks, and I'm pretty sure I don't fit into the pants I came home in.

Now, for most of my life, I've always been eager to make New Years Resolutions. Listmaking always excites me (I know, OCD tendencies). When I was eighteen, I resolved to become a vegetarian. When I was nineteen, I resolved to commit to a weekly exercise regime. When I was fifteen, I resolved to minimize the amount of TV I watch (sigh, this was the hardest habit to break). When I was twenty, I resolved to eat a more balanced diet beyond rice three times a day (What? I love rice).

And the result? At the moment, I'm neither a vegetarian, nor an avid gym attendee. And clearly, after stuffing my face for most of the Christmas break, I eat more than the required three meals a day, failing miserably on my quest towards a more balanced diet. And let's not even discuss the TV situation. Doot doo doo doo...

In short, I failed. Every year.

Each year, about a week after New Years Eve, the determination to fulfill those resolutions began to wane. The motivation slowly died. And I turned a blind eye to the Resolutions list I heartily committed myself to just a week before. For shame, for shame.

However, I still think there's a lesson to be learned here. Don't get me wrong, despite my past failures, I'm still making resolutions for 2011. Several, in fact. Much of which involves less procrastination, a balanced diet, discipline and, um, the elusive motivation to start going to the gym regularly (believe me, after all the Filipino desserts I ate over the break, I need to hit the gym. It's pretty necessary).

And yet, will I actually follow through with all of the above resolutions right away? Probably not. Will I fail? Probably. It's January 2nd, there are 363 days left in the year to fail and fall short of my (admittedly grand) own expectations. But while we may not perfectly reach our grand expectations at the outset, I don't think that should stop us from trying. Realistically, we will fail. But that shouldn't stop us from being optimistic about the eventual results of our resolutions. Because while failure is disconcerting, we should gather ourselves up and continue anyway. Dust yourself off, push forward, and try again! Our efforts are only as good as we make them.

And so, dear friends, whether you're making New Years Resolutions or not, I encourage all of you to continue pushing forward to accomplish whatever you have on your list, despite setbacks, failures, or the weary thought that you just can't do it. Perish the thought! Friends, it's a new year! Success is a product of effort, determination, with a good dose of optimism in the midst of any setback.

And I promise, I'll cut back on the carbs. Pinky swear.

Happy 2011, everyone! A brand new year ripe with opportunity and, if we put in constant effort, success! Let's get to it!

P.S. What's an Optimistic Realist? Click here. Yup. Good old, trusty, Urban Dictionary.

P.P.S. Inaugural blog post of 2011! Woot.

“When you reach the top, keep climbing.”

“Whatever you are, be a good one.”
- Abraham Lincoln

"Now there are more overweight people in America than average weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means, you've met your New Year's resolution. Done!"
- Jay Leno

"I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me."
- Anais Nin

"I resolve to stop complaining."
- Leonard Bernstein

A Saturday Night Off - Discovering Kingston's Live Music Scene

THIS BLOG POST HAS 2 OBJECTIVES:
1) To mention a common (yet largely unexcercised) method for sustaining grad student sanity: taking the night off.
2) To discuss my first-ever encounter with Kingston`s live music scene.

I have to admit, I almost didn`t attend the concert I went to last night. After spending the weekend tearing my hair out over an essay due this week, planning another presentation I have on Tuesday, researching two other essays, and nursing a massive headache on Friday night, the last thing I wanted to do was go to a concert. And did I mention that I also have a stack of student essays to mark? Ah, the glamorous life of a TA.

Yet for my sanity, I knew I had to go out last night. I needed a night off. Ferris Bueller, you would be proud. Coincidentally, a few weeks ago, we discovered that Kingston is quite the venue for live music. And while walking through the JDUC one afternoon, I noticed a poster advertising a live concert performed by Broken Social Scene`s Jason Collett at the Grad Club. Was I really going to miss this? The closet indie music junkie in me refused to believe that I would.

Yet in the days leading up to the concert, despite my excitement, my stack of work kept getting larger and larger. To the point where I stared at my weekly planner, realizing that my schedule barely had time allotted for eating. Or breathing. However, let this blog post serve to remind us that, sometimes, we need a night off. And, friends, I am so incredibly glad I let go of work last night to attend this concert. Rather than spending the evening with Karl Polanyi, I (several others from the Politics department, a housemate, and another friend) had the pleasure of witnessing Jason Collett perform live.

How was my first night exposed to Kingston`s live music scene? Friends, I enjoyed last night enough to write a blog post about it. Jason Collett was fabulous. Yet I`m willing to bet that he was probably smoking something special prior to the concert. The man definitely wasn`t sober. Or completely aware of reality, if you know what I`m saying. Nevertheless, it was highly entertaining. The highlight of the evening, however, was our discovery of the unknown-but-oh-so-fantastic Daniel Romano. I`m usually not a fan of the country vibe, but I really really enjoyed him. Enough to pimp him on my blog: go ahead, check him out! His voice melted my ogre`s heart, I`m telling you. He's awesome live.

Lesson learned this weekend? The grad life doesn't necessarily mean we should lose time to relax, to enjoy the city we're currently living in. This is a lesson I know I should periodically remind myself of throughout the year. By exercising effective time management skills, we don't have to lead lifestyles that lead to high blood pressures (I've been there. Too much worrying, I'm telling you). Balancing priorities by both working and relaxing this weekend was probably healthier than spending an entire weekend buried in a pile of books, lamenting the loss of my social life. And I'm glad I did. Taking part in a relaxing evening allowed me to discover Kingston's live music scene - something I'll be visiting even more in the future, I'm sure.

"Time is what we want most, but what we use worst."
- William Penn

The Trouble With Academic Ignorance

I'll keep this short and sweet. Recently, I've had the unfortunate (dis)pleasure of meeting individuals (within an academic setting, no less) who perfectly illustrate the concept of academic ignorance: unwilling to learn, eager to inform you that you are wrong, teaching rather than conversing, indirectly insulting political beliefs through the use of mean jokes and "friendly" mockery.

The academic setting is fueled by politics. It encompasses a number of perspectives, spanning a variety of positions on the political spectrum. Yet while the academic setting can surely be a wonderful, rich setting to learn about the important issues of our time, I've found that certain individuals stick to their own political perspectives with no room for growth or discussion. And while living as a staunch believer of certain issues is admirable, the lack of respect towards dissenting views isn't. Academic ignorance has been demonstrated in the willingness to insult other perspectives on personal grounds and the lack of an open mind when encountering individuals with opposite views.

The academic setting has no room for ignorance or mockery. Ideally, academic forums aim to educate. Ideally, they are formed by individuals who (despite dissenting opinions) are cordial, and respectful towards the political perspectives espoused by their peers. Let this blog (splattered in various shades of pink. I wonder if that makes me a flighty non-academic?) illustrate the aggressive, forceful side of my academic belief system. Perspectives, political or otherwise, should not be attacked using an individual's personal attributes, potential acquisition of material possessions (oh my god, does that make me a greedy capitalist?), hobbies, and religious views.

Friendships and relationships don't flourish on the basis of academic mockery. Nor do they develop by using one's own political perspectives to elevate oneself above his or her peer. Attacking political perspectives on personal grounds is downright rude. Ultimately, exercising the principles of respect towards others' political perspectives is a valuable lesson, whether we're in an academic setting or not.

Respect in an academic setting? This is my hope heading to Queen's this fall. And while my recent experience has jaded me, let's hope Queens proves me wrong.

“Being ignorant is not so much a shame, as being unwilling to learn.”
- Benjamin Franklin

The Greatest Decade(s) Of Our Lives - Life In Our 20's

Early this morning, as I was turning on my computer to start work, my manager walked in to say hello and to drop off her things before she headed off to a meeting. I noticed she had dressed up more than usual (most likely for the meeting), and, before I could stop myself, I complimented her by blurting out, "Wow, you look so pretty today!" Clearly, the boundaries of appropriate compliments are unknown to me when I enthusiastically flatter people's outfits. How awkward.

Despite my lack of compliment etiquette, my manager didn't mind. In fact, she laughed and shook her head to say that she didn't think she did and that she's just another old lady. Before she walked out, she stopped and added thoughtfully, "You're in your 20's, correct? You're at the best age right now. You're living the best decade of your life."

Interesting. As 20-somethings, are we really living the best decade of our lives?

I have no qualms admitting that, personally, being a 20-something is awesome. As an adult-but-not-quite-an-adult, I don't have the responsibility of a mortgage or dependents. Nor do I have as many restrictions as I did when I was a teenager. Alcohol consumption is (definitely? certainly? inevitably?) an option, as are late-night outings which I would never have been allowed to go to when I was younger. I don't have to worry about growing pains, high school dramatics. I don't have to worry about house maintenance, heating bills, things I certainly take for granted as I comfortably live in my parents' home.

I love my age. I absolutely, positively love love love being a 20-something. Old enough to make my own decisions, yet young enough to have a world of opportunity in front of me. I have friends who are, quite simply, stuck in love with being a 20-something, hoping beyond belief that they can forever stay this age, that future responsibilities and realities will never catch up to them. Conclusions? Being 20-something is awesome (Word).

However, I don't think one decade of life is necessarily, ultimately greater than others. Each age is special. Each decade holds special, memorable moments. Being 20-something isn't all that life has to offer. In fact, there's so much more to come. Like the initial moments following your engagement. Or the moment you obtain a full-time, permanent job with benefits (how adult). Or the moment you realize, upon graduation, that you are totally, completely, ultimately, forever done school. Or the moment you say I Do. Or the moment you sit in the hospital, about to welcome a new baby into your family. Or the moment your children start kindergarten, primary school, high school, university. Or the moments you watch your children grow up. Or the moment your children receive that letter of acceptance from their university of choice, jetting off to live in residence a few months later. Or the moment your kids leave home, and you sink down on the porch, realizing with excitement that you're an empty-nester. Or the moments you begin your retirement, anticipating travel destinations, awaiting what else life has to offer you.

Undoubtedly, we're enjoying being 20-somethings. And while we love where we're at right now, let's not forget that we have our entire lives ahead of us. Opportunities and responsibilities will eventually present themselves: ones that we will inevitably come to love and embrace. We have so much more to look forward to. I don't think we should be scared or apprehensive about what's to come. In fact, I'm definitely excited!

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing."
- Agatha Christie

The World of Pageantry - In Defense of Beauty Pageants

In approximately one hour, the Miss Universe 2010 pageant will be televised on NBC, as per the usual yearly routine. In light of tonight's broadcast, I'm set to write a brief defense on the misunderstood world of pageantry.

Because I shamelessly love it.

I have to say, I'm insanely excited for tonight's live event, as I usually am when a major pageant is televised. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I've followed every major beauty pageant since I was 11 years old. I haven't missed a televised event of Miss Universe, Miss America, Miss USA, and Miss Teen USA since the sixth grade. Except for when I got the chicken pox a few years ago, when I was sadly too sick (and itchy) to enjoy Miss America. (Boo! Hiss! Chicken pox!)

I don't know why I get so excited about beauty pageants. The glittery dresses, the lights, the music, the competition. Talent portions and the Final Question have always been my favourite, most likely because my own public speaking fears stand in awe at the articulate, expressive answers given by contestants within a challenging, pressure-filled atmosphere. Miss Universe is a particular pageant I enjoy for the sheer competition between participating countries. Seriously, it's like the Olympics. Only with inhumanly beautiful contestants (with medical degrees, no less!).

I see many people about to stone me with tirades regarding female degradation, pretension, shameless displays of corporate greed and selfishness, and the misrepresentation of average women. Before one casts the first stone, I think it's important to note that the world of pageantry has its good sides as well. I'm not overlooking its obvious failures: the politics, the bias, the bribery, the eating disorders, the catty contestants. I don't deny that they exist. There are clearly a number of young women stooping low enough to pull mean stunts to get ahead of the game, and many others who will risk their health and bodies for the sake of competition and reputation. I'll point out, however, that cattiness does not merely exist within the world of pageantry. Snobby (and competitive) women (and men!) exist everywhere. We run into them all the time. And while many women sadly put their bodies at risk, I don't think beauty pageants were originally intended to foster a politically charged atmosphere where one feels the need to protect his or her reputation and appearance at no cost.

On paper, I think beauty pageants are a great idea. They promote academic achievements, humanitarianism, and most importantly, for me, the importance of public speaking. I remember sitting at home as a young girl, watching in awe as Lara Dutta gave an incredible, articulate answer to the Miss Universe 2000 Final Question that inevitably led to her victory. I remember wishing I could speak just as well as she did, hoping that one day I could deliver speeches just as memorable and expressive. To this day, before I present in front of a large number of people, my mind still flashes back to Lara's articulate response. I've tried hard to emulate her skill.

Pageantry is not merely rooted in simply admiring a woman's physical attributes. Her mind, her words, and wisdom are taken into account immensely. They demonstrate talents that should be appreciated by many of us going into careers where we face public speaking everyday. Pageants are much like talent shows for grown-ups. They celebrate and crown the achievements of young women and provide sholarships and funding to study areas contestants have a passion for.

I realize this isn't a popular opinion for many who read this. But I'll thoughtfully point out that I truly believe the political and catty nature of pageantry has been its downfall. The original objective, mission, and vision of beauty pageants has been to encourage public speaking skills, to celebrate efforts that bring social issues to public attention, and to reward the achievements of young women who have accomplished what many haven't.

And if that means they get to walk around in super-awesome-glittery dresses, then I don't think we should have a problem with that. And if the woman is stunningly beautiful, then I see no reason to detest and hate her for it.

Appreciating someone for their beauty and mind can be difficult (particularly since the two concepts are popularly perceived to be mutually exclusive). But I think we should remember that beyond the politics, the bias, the controversy, pageants illustrate talents and skills important to one's career and academic pursuits. Skills that little girls all over the world will admire. And I don't see anything wrong with that.

"That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful."
- Ninon de L'Enclos

(Not So) Missed Connections - Romantic Encounters Of The Grad Kind

Picture this: You're driving down a dark street late at night, you're pretty tired, you're worn out, and you see a red stoplight coming up so you start slowing down. You stop and wait until you can start driving again. Bored as you are, you glance over at the individual sitting in the driver's seat of the car beside yours. Lo and behold, your eyes widen when you notice that the driver is the most incredible, beautiful, stunning, divine, exquisite creature (guy or girl) you've ever laid your eyes on. Wow. (Insert Joey Tribbiani-esque voice here): How you doing? But before you know it, the stoplights change, and said beautiful creature drives off, never to be seen again.

Has this ever happened to you? It never happens to me. When I glance over at the drivers beside me, I'm usually scowled at by an elderly woman disapproving of my speeding tendencies (I'm not an aggressive Asian driver, really) or a creepy old man grinning at me to the point where I'm uncomfortable (obviously I speed off as fast as I can! Ahhh!).

But, friends, these things do happen sometimes. And as I drove Vania and I home a few weeks ago, we noticed a very nice Cadillac driving beside us. When we reached the stoplight, we glanced over and spotted the CUTEST PUPPY WE'VE EVER SEEN hanging out the driver's seat. Seriously, so cute. And I'm a cat person. We kept waving at the cute puppy... until we noticed puppy's very cute (Read: Insanely Hot) owner. And so as we kept driving for the next few blocks, Cute-Dog-Loving-Cadillac-Driving Boy and I kept hitting the same stoplights. We fangirled over that puppy (owner) while we patiently waited for each of those sets of lights to turn green. Oh, Vania. What an entertaining ride home! And the epitome of something you'd find on Craigslist Missed Connections (which my friends and I hilariously read sometimes, just for the entertainment).

Do we really know anyone who has met their significant other driving down the street? None that I know of! But when it comes down to it, the concept of finding one's significant other is interesting, particularly as we've reached an age where half our friends are either engaged, in a serious relationship, or are already married. We've reached the age as 20-somethings where we start receiving pointed questions from family, friends, and relatives regarding the next ten years of our lives: engagement, marriage, children, the whole scary nine yards. Wow. How did time fly by so fast? How did we grow up so fast?

I know many people often wonder about who they will end up with. Craigslist Missed Connections alone show us a number of people, from various age groups and all walks of life, searching for that Hollywood-turned-reality romance. Relationships, to be frank, aren't an afterthought to any of us. Humans instinctively treat relationships as an important part of life; they are a centrifugal force to which we plan our lives and efforts around.

And so as a result, I'm sure you've often wondered how you'll meet your significant other (don't lie, I know you have!). On a GO train? In class? Through a friend? At the library? If it floats your boat, Craigslists' Missed Connections? How will you meet the person you'll eventually end up with? And how, pray tell, will you know? I've noticed, from observing many individuals my age, that so much effort is placed on contemplating these questions, on the search for potential lifelong relationships and significant others. At our age, it's a reality I'm sure many reading this have thought about.

However, let this blog post serve to assure you that you shouldn't worry about the unknown years ahead and the individuals you have yet to meet. If there's anything we can learn from the new phases of life we will soon begin (moving to new cities, starting Master's degrees, starting new jobs), I think we can all agree that we've felt time going by faster than usual. Time. It just seems to be going by too fast. Time that shouldn't be spent dwelling on things that could be, should be, or should have been. Time that can rather be spent enjoying friends, family, moments, and experiences that will, years from now, be just a fond memory.

Let this blog post serve as encouragement and assurance to those who wonder, to those who shake their heads in annoyance at the thought of the unknown years ahead. To those who nurse broken hearts, wounded egos, unrequited souls. To those who have experienced misplaced committment. Friends, the search may seem futile now. But let me assure you that time spent actively searching and alternatively worrying won't always produce the results you desire. In the meantime, we have so much to do, so much of the world to see until we finally find this reality.

Friends, we may feel like we're getting old, but we are actually still so very very young. Enjoying one's years as an adult-but-not-quite-an-adult is just an important as the later years of life. So until then, enjoy the fleeting moments and days of your twenties.

Let this blog post serve to assure you that one day, you will indeed find that individual who will forever change your life. One day, someday soon. And when you finally do, it will be far from a "missed connection." On the contrary, it will be a connection you've waited patiently for, within the context of memorable experiences. On the contrary, it will be a connection you'll have and treasure for the rest of your life.

"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

City Street Smarts - A Lesson Learned

Well. I had an interesting encounter this morning. I don't know what to think of the experience, really. To be honest, I'm still a little shocked. Actually, I'm more than a little shocked. I'm utterly stunned. Flabbergasted.

So I went through my usual routine, got off the GO train, walked into Tim Horton's, and (instead of my usual Banana Nut muffin) purchased a small Iced Cap because it was devastatingly warm. And as per usual, I was minding my own business, just like those walking on Front Street rushing to get to work. Men in snazzy suits, women in heels, people gabbing away on their ever-so-trusty Blackberries. A typical Thursday morning.

And as per usual, I walked down University Avenue, sipping my Iced Cap, obsessively checking what time it was on my cell phone to make sure I wasn't late, distractedly picking lint off my blazer (OCD tendencies, what did I tell you?), and giggling at my recent text messages. Then it happened. Oh yes, it happened.

All of a sudden, a woman (dressed in a beautiful suit) walked up to me sobbing uncontrollably. And immediately, being the (dense) sucker I am, I felt a pang of sympathy. She asked if I could spare any change. Through tears, she told me that her father just passed away, she was being kicked out of her apartment, she was behind on rent, and she had no money for breakfast. With tears pouring down her face, she told me that she was on her way to work and that she was so very very hungry. She just wanted a breakfast sandwich from Tim Horton's. Could I spare any change?

In my defense, after listening to her for a few minutes, her story did sound legitimate. She looked completely harmless, and her story was just so sad! And so I reached into my purse and pulled out my wallet to see if I had any change. Unfortunately, I only had a $10.00 bill (which I needed for lunch) and 8 CENTS in change. I also knew I wouldn't have time to go to the bank if I gave her my $10.00 bill. Apologizing, I handed over my 8 cents and said that was the only change I had. And that I'm sorry!

As if on cue, her tears stopped. The look of pain vanished from her eyes. She grabbed my 8 cents, started scowling, and rudely asked if that was all I had. Shocked, I said yes, it was. She rolled her eyes, muttering something about how selfish I was. Without even a "thank you," she asked how I could only spare such a small amount. Didn't I listen to her story? Didn't I know how much she needed my money? Worse yet (and this really is the worse part), she reached over and tried to grab my beloved Coach purse off my shoulder, claiming that she wanted to check my wallet to see if I was lying. Friends, this was my favourite Coach purse. My darling Coach purse. The love-of-my-life-never-gonna-let-it-go Coach purse. I gasped in fear! FEAR, I tell you! Immediately, I pulled away, clutched that purse to my chest, and ran across the intersection.

I have no idea what possessed her to do such a thing. She looked perfectly normal. She spoke perfectly normal. But would a perfectly normal person grab a total stranger's purse? Would a perfectly normal person berate a stranger about their lack of change?

I have no idea if she was crazy or if she grabbed my purse out of impulse. But clearly, this incident has absolutely reminded me of the value of Street Smarts. Our city is full of con artists, scam artists, with people who will do anything for money. Let's all be careful, no matter what the situation is. Excercise cautiousness. Excercise Common Sense (something I obviously didn't do today). No matter how sad the story, no matter how harmless an individual looks, you can never be too careful anymore. Never!

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."
- Sir Winston Churchill

Where The Heart Is: Home

As I got off the GO train at Union Station this morning in Toronto, I was struck with a strange sense of homesickness. I was homesick for Toronto, in Toronto. Does that make any sense? At all? Anyone?

I think the reality of my move to Kingston truly hit me yesterday afternoon when I started packing. I methodically set aside winter clothing, important books from my bookshelf, old notebooks from classes in undergad, school supplies, picture frames, and other items to the point where parts of my room (really, my bookshelf) looked relatively empty. Exciting, but obviously quite scary at the same time. Come September, everything I've known for most of my life will be miles away. Remnants of my life's previous phases will merely sit in photo frames and in old notebooks I'll be taking to Kingston.

And this morning, as I walked out of Union Station, with the reality of my move just three weeks away, that wave of homesickness made me realize how much I'll really and truly miss Toronto. Queen's is a beautiful campus, and I'm sure that Kingston will be an awesome city to live in. But I will, without a doubt, miss my morning GO train rides, the insanely busy Tim Hortons on Front Street and University Avenue, the hustle of Bay Street workers running to get to work on time, the bustle of city life, and the familiarity of a city I've attended school in and travelled to work to for the past five years.

I will miss Toronto and Mississauga very much. I didn't realize the potential to miss my awesome home cities would be so great, and yet here we are. I suppose leaving home for an extended period of time has such an effect on us, but I would like to convey how much I love these cities and how much I'll miss its familiarity and dependability when I'm gone.

Really, it isn't until we leave a person or place that we realize how much we've grown to care. Our affections grow with time, whether we're aware of it or not. And no matter where I go in this world of ours, whether I jet off to England or Boston or an unknown destination for law school next year, whether next year's EUROPTRIP 2011 to Barcelona and Madrid will transpire, whether I travel anywhere else for academic purposes (or otherwise), it's a great comfort knowing that I'll always have dear old Mississauga and Toronto to come home to.

And wherever any of us go in life, that's where your heart will always be. Cliche as it is, you'll always have it waiting for you when you desire to return. Home.

“Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one. Stronger than magicians ever spoke, or spirits ever answered to, in the strongest conjuration.”
- Charles Dickens

The Grad Life & The "Roots" of Human Emotion

After a long day at work, my parents came home and announced that we'd be devoting our evening to a fun family bonding activity. And to this I jumped up in excitement, wondering what, pray tell, we'd be doing tonight. Well, it turns out they wanted to work on our garden. And by working on our garden, they meant Weed Pulling.

And so decked out in sweatpants (yes, I do own a pair), t-shirt, and a ponytail, my parents and I set out to methodically pull out weeds in our front yard. We've had no time to take care of our grass this summer, and our front yard is literally dying. We're that family on your street you stare at because their front yard has turned an interesting shade of brown. Even nature needs some TLC, friends. We filled bags to the brim with countless weeds. And quite honestly, the process was incredibly time-consuming. Weeds not only kill your grass, but they take forever to find and pull out, especially if you pull them away from the root. Trying to find the rest of the root is downright annoying, especially when they've grown particularly deep.

Weeds are incredibly hard to completely destroy because they dig roots so deep into your soil. Although you try to pull out as much as you can, roots that remain allow weeds to survive despite your greatest efforts. They dig its claws so very deep into the heart of the growing process that healthy, beautiful gass can be damaged, maimed, and eventually destroyed if the roots of weeds aren't pulled out completely.

I'm obviously not a professional gardener. So why am I explaining what I learned during my Dad's (super awesome) family bonding activity? To show off my (not so awesome) botanical knowledge? Wellllll, no. Actually, I think my brief stint as the family gardener can remind us all of an important life lesson we can take with us to grad school, to our (new) jobs and of course, throughout the course of life. Yes friends, even weeds can teach us about a common aspect of human emotion and about our relationships with strangers and each other.

Remember the cashiers at your local Loblaws who rolled their eyes when you asked if the laundry detergent was on sale (let's face it, we're students & we're cheap)? Or the girl who talked behind your back in high school with rumours that were totally false? Or the the guy who boasts about his imaginary riches to impress whoever listens? Or the pitiful girl who self-righteously snarks about girls who go shopping even though she participates in the same activities herself? Or the people who snap at you when you accidentally bump into them on the sidewalk? Or the people who walk past you without saying hello even though they clearly saw you (hi, are you twelve?)? Friends, who are we kidding? We meet so-called "jerks" everyday. And no matter what we say to them, they're too wrapped up in protecting themselves and their own perspectives that they make no effort to be understanding, kind, or accommodating to others.

Case in point: My Dad and I were walking past the Premier Fitness at the plaza on Dundas and Dixie over the weekend when we saw a big red sign that said "Free Hot Dog Lunch!" A few other people paused in interest, and we all walked over. The guy beside the sign told us that we had to obtain a lunch ticket inside the gym. So we all headed inside (around 8 of us) to obtain this awesome, free lunch ticket! Booyah! This was perfect, we were staving! And so my Dad and another man went to the front desk and had the following conversation:

Girl At The Front Desk: Can I help you guys?
Dad and Other Man: Yeah, is there a free lunch ticket we can get?
Girl At The Front Desk: *stares at them, then rolls her eyes*
Girl At The Front Desk: (ignores them and turns to the 2 other girls at the desk) Oh my GOD, what is wrong with people today? What kind of cheap idiots keep wanting free stuff?

You read that right. She really said that. Brilliant response to potential Premier Fitness customers, yes?

I'm heading to a new school and a new city in September. And I'm sure many of you reading this will be starting new phases of your lives someday soon. Let my gardening adventures remind all of us that, in the various situations of everyday life, we can meet a number of rude, sullen, snarky, or self-righteous people. It happens all the time. People rub you the wrong way and you wonder why. And quite honestly, when you think about it, the reasons behind such attitudes compare very much to the stubborn roots killing the grass in my front yard.

Huh? Lost? Let me explain. I've come to realize that these people have deeper problems than what shows at face value. Rudeness, snark, and self-righteousness can be the result of problems that have dug roots into the soil of their hearts and minds, with their pain manifesting through to their actions and to how they treat others. From the snarky girl actually struggling for acceptance and love from her husband, to the angry man you bumped into on the sidewalk painstakingly trying to fix his relationship with his wife, to the rude cashier worrying about her financial situation, to the rude acquaintance struggling for self-confidence and control, to the girl who spread rumours because of self-esteem issues.

Just like the weeds and grass growing in my front yard, I'm sure we all know that humans have roots. Love, pain, joy, happiness, misery, longing: human emotions have roots that dig so very deep into the heart, fueled by (often complicated) relationships and (somtimes disheartening) circumstances beyond anyone's control. Although it may be hard to accept, I think we should remember that the people who are rude to us may have a deeper, more complex reason for being so. Maybe they don't mean to specifically hurt us or attack us. On the contrary, their anger is directed at us for a reason that may not be related to us at all.

We all have problems of some sort. And I suppose the more disheartening, painful circumstances of life can affect how people negatively treat others. And while we may never want to be friends with these people (like we'd ever want to be friends with Jenny Humphrey?), let my front yard adventures teach us all something about the importance of compassion and love towards those who need it. The amount of time it took for me to pull out those (annoying) weeds helped me realize that just like the strong, deep weeds damaging my grass, humans as well have deep, complex problems that have strong roots. And without invested time, love, compassion, and kindness, these roots will harden and damage relationships if they aren't completely pulled out and forever destroyed.

Let's be careful with the people we meet. I've learned very recently that, cliche as it may be, there's more to a person than meets the eye. And while their rudeness will forever be a turn-off, we shouldn't settle on despising them. And while we can't fix their problems, we can do something else. We can try to understand them.

"There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist."
~ Mark Twain

The Grad Life & The Meaning of Friendship

So let me share a sweet little story with all of you. In Grade 2, my teacher introduced a new girl to the class. She had just moved to the neighbourhood and knew absolutely no one. Naturally, our tiny heads swivelled to check out the new girl decked out in 90's style floral leggings (don't lie, girls. you know you had a pair), t-shirt, and ponytail. As we headed to recess, I took my snack baggy full of cheezy Doritos outside and I noticed the New Girl sitting by herself. I headed over to offer her some of my Doritos (I was so excited, my mother NEVER bought chips when I was younger, and this was a rare treat!). She seemed relieved that someone was talking to her, and we played on the see-saw the rest of recess. I found out that New Girl liked the same books and TV shows I did, and we quickly bonded over a fervent discussion about DJ's breakup with Steve Hale (See: Full House, Season 7, Episode 19). New Girl quickly became one of my best friends. And to this day, throughout elementary, middle school, high school, and university, she has still remained an incredibly awesome, close friend who I will always treasure and value. Seriously, all because of that bag of Doritos! ;)

These days, we're a little too old to make friends by offering snacks from the baggies our mothers packed for us. As we go through life as 20-somethings, I highly doubt that a mere bag of Doritos will now do the trick to foster a lifelong friendship.

I'm sure all of us in our twenties and late teens have noticed that as we grow older, it gets harder and harder to meet and make close friends, simply because we don't have as much time. If you're in the working world, you work a 9 am - 5:00 pm job, head home, eat dinner, and sleep for 5 days a week. On the weekends and Friday nights, you hang out with the same group of friends who you've known for ages. If you're still in school, your life consists of studying, class, potentially a part-time job, and hanging out with the same group of people you've known since high school or the small clique you formed during your frosh year.

But grad school is full of older students in their early to mid twenties. We aren't frosh anymore. We're older, a tad bit wiser, and have a bit more life experience than we did when we entered university as wide-eyed 18-year olds. I have no idea how the social setting will be in September as I join the ranks of grad students in Kingston. But I do know that while I look forward to making new friends, I also won't forget the ones I have.

Seriously, Barney knew what he was talking about. The lessons that purple dinosaur taught us were true: as we get older, we learn to appreciate the friendships we've made and maintained over the years, from middle school, high school or university. And so wherever we're at in life, I think we should always remember this: cherish, treasure, and keep in touch with the close friends you've made. Wherever you are and wherever you're off to in September, don't forget how valuable these people are to you. They know you inside and out and value you just as you treasure them.

And when we're old and gray, we'll think back and have each other to thank for all the essays we helped each other edit, all the the all-nighters we went through together in high school and university, all the trips we took together (overseas or otherwise. Eurotrip 2010, holler), all the in-depth discussions we had about our potential careers, all the shopping trips we went on where we spent way more than we should have. We'll have each other to thank for the boyfriends we're not married to, all the random road trips we've taken to take a break from school (Buffalo!! Stratford!!), all the impromptu dinners/lunches/coffee dates, and all the moments that, put together, have created a friendship that will last despite distance and changing lifestyles.

We're at an age and point in life where things change ever so quickly. But, if you so choose, there will always be one thing that never changes: your groups of friends who will never fail you, who will always stand with you to celebrate your achievements and successes, and who will always be there, for the rest of your lifetime.

"There is nothing more important than friendships that endure, especially in a world that insists on changing."
- Desperate Housewives

The 90's: Re-Living and Appreciating Our Awesome Childhood

Yesterday, a whole bunch of family friends were over at our house and I sat down to play Scrabble with their kids. The boy, David, is 8 years old and the girl, Sonia, is 12 years old. They started talking about their favourite TV shows like Hannah Montana, Suite Life on Deck, and Sonny With A Chance (Family Channel, holler!). We then had the following conversation:

8-year old David: I like Suite Life on Deck, Mr. Moseby is so funny.
Me: I know, him and London are my favourite characters.
8-year old David: Heeheeheeheeeee *snorts*
Me: You sound like Steve Urkel.
8-year old David: Huh? Who is that?

Um. Hold on. If there was ever a moment in my life when I realized I was getting older, this was probably it. How in the world do you not know who Steve Urkel is?! I remember spending weekday evenings in elementary school giggling as I watched Steve attempt to win Laura Winslow's heart on Family Matters. Side note: Who else had a crush on Stefan Urkel (Steve's alter ego)? Please, you know those 90's dance moves made you swoon.

I grew up in the 90's. I listened to the Backstreet Boys, fangirled over 98 Degrees and LFO, watched YTV's Hit List, joined a Spice Girls fan club, cried at the series finale of Full House, was fobidden to watch Dawson's Creek (my parents thought it was inappropriate), watched TVO Kids every afternoon with Patty and Joe, saw every single episode of Ghostwriter, witnessed the airing of the very first Arthur episode, gasped in shock when Tommy the Green Ranger transformed into the White Ranger (I was a Tommy & Kimberly shipper, obviously), considered playing basketball after watching Hang Time, accepted the concept of high school on a boat with Breaker High, pretended to morph into a puddle after watching The Secret World of Alex Mack, witnessed the release of Britney Spears' first ever music video (hit me baby, one more time!), swooned with my entire generation as Freddie Prinze Jr. took Rachel Leigh Cook to prom in She's All That, got angry at Cory Matthews for cheating on Topanga in Season 5 of Boy Meets World, danced to every single Aqua & Vanilla Ice music video (ice ice, baby), and sat around with the entire world (clutching our gas lamps & instant noodles) waiting for the universe to end as 1999 drew to a close and the new millennium began.

Its been 10 years since Y2K, 13 years since Princess Diana died, 12 years since the Clinton & Lewinsky scandal, 12 years since Britney Spears released her aforementioned debut music video (schoolgirl outfits sans the shaven head, of course), 20 years since Julia Roberts stole our hearts in Pretty Woman, 11 years since we were introduced to the Taco Bell Chihuahua, and 11 years since we were introduced to memorable movies like The Matrix, There's Something About Mary, The Sixth Sense, and Fight Club (pre-Angelina, of course!). Yes, it's been a long time, my friends.

But 90's pop culture represents something even greater than the washed out has-beens who ocassionally gloss tabloid headlines today. It represents moments in our childhood where we played, laughed, and enjoyed the company of our family and friends. These iconic TV shows and music videos represent times in elementary school where we sat down with our best friends to fawn over the latest Teen Beat magazine or to giggle over the new Jonathan Taylor Thomas poster. These moments with loved ones are memories we fondly remember, leading us to walk the road of 90's nostalgia today.

But we've grown up, we're older now. And as we begin new chapters of our lives in September (in grad school, university, or a new job), we can learn a thing or two from our Tamagotchi-obsessed selves: don't ever forget to treasure each phase of your life.

Our love for the 90's reveals alot more than we realize. This unforgettable era also teaches us to appreciate each phase of life we go through, to unabashedly enjoy and learn from each activity, event, and daily occurrence, just like we did when we were kids. Time goes by so quickly, friends. As we continue to grow older, remember to enjoy each moment of whatever phase of your life you are at. And if you do, I'm sure many years of your life will be filled with 90's moments: they'll be memorable, loveable, and just a very fond memory away.

"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, and the things you never want to lose." - The Wonder Years

Tiny Toons, anyone?

Pretentious Academics - Dealing With The Know-It-Alls!

Remember that kid in your tutorial who always acted like they knew everything? They dominated tutorial and you could never get a word in edgewise. Or that professor who never had time for you and rolled their eyes in exasperation when you were confused about a certain aspect of their lecture. Listen, I know you have a PhD from Harvard, but couldn't you help me out a little?! :(

If there's one thing that annoys me about the world of academia, its the fact that some people not only think they know it all, but they act that way too. They've received thousands of dollars in research grants, published articles in journals all over the world, and have been recognized as a top academic in their field of research. But seriously? Sometimes I think it all goes to their heads!!!

For example, I recently joined an academic discussion forum to discuss various controversial issues. But there's one guy that annoys the crap out of me (don't worry, I highly doubt he's reading this. LOL). He interrupts people when they express an opinion, boasts about his research papers & his quest to finish his PhD, and mocks people who don't agree with his arguments. It's downright rude, and he is a pretty good example of a Pretentious Academic that exasperates me the most.

Can academic achievements potentially influence someone's personality? After meeting many people at UofT very much like the guy mentioned above, sometimes I think so. Success inflates ego. And if there's one thing thing the world of academia needs sometimes, its a shot of humility.

I'm not downplaying their achievements. In fact, I'm so in awe of them. I'm still on my quest to achieve multiple degrees of my own! (I'm trying to calculate how old I'll be when I'm finally done school. Ahhh, so old!). But I find that academic know-it-alls are not attractive by any means.

Your intelligence & knowledge shouldn't alter your personality. Kindess, generoisity, and a willingness to help those trying to learn from you matters too. Easy-going personalities can still find its way into a lecture hall. In fact, they are more than welcome!

I always appreciated the professors and TAs who patiently helped me me with my papers and gave me advice not only on my research but on my academic plans for the future. (Yes, Professor Hirschl, I'm talking to you!). If there's one lesson I'm going to take with me as I head to Queen's in September, its the fact that your knowledge doesn't have to change your personality. Students appreciate kindness. Always remember that if they try, academics can be likeable too!

"Worry more about your character than your reputation. Character is what you are, reputation is merely what others think you are."

Office Politics - You Thought High School Was Over?!

I remember a year ago I was at the height of one of the biggest dilemmas of my life: to take a year off after graduation or to stay an extra year of undergrad and extend my major to a specialist. After (an insane amount of) deliberation, I decided to graduate on time last June and ventured uncertainly into a year in The Real World. I was off to work for a whole year before grad school and law school, and I was terrified!! The sinking-not-sure-what-you're-going-to-do-with-your-life feeling was something new to me.

Months later, in retrospect, I am so so glad I took a year off to experience an actual full-time job. There are some things you learn in the working world that you just can't learn in school. Out of all the experiences I've had this year, there's one aspect of The Working World that I'm glad I got to witness: the phenomenon of Office Politics.

I'm so fascinated by some of the things I've witnessed this year: the backroom deals, the brownosing, the firing, the insane obsession over money, the politically charged relationships, the power-play, the constant need to make the company look good, the pushing and shoving to get on the boss' good side, the list goes on!!

Despite the suits, designer bags, fancy language and veneer of professionalism, The Working World is still full of petty high school teenagers vying for popularity, for status, for power. A 58 year old woman can be just as exasperating as the girl who sat next to you in English class pretending to be your friend so she could copy your notes.

As with many things in life, things function around age and seniority. And due to my status as the youngest employee in the company, I wasn't seen as a "threat" to the internal power struggles. To them, I'm still a kid. I therefore got to sit back and watch the grown-ups provide me with some awesome entertainment....

I've watched men and women over the age of 50 spread petty gossip a la Gretchen Wieners in Mean Girls (I shamelessly love this movie lol). I've watched middle-aged grown-ups tattle on other co-workers. I've learned that women over the age of 50 are still capable of trash-talking former bosses in order to get on the new boss' good side. I've witnessed petty tugs of war between highly respected managers over seniority status. But most importantly, I've learned that money is the sole driving force behind everyone's actions. The need & greed for money can drive even the most skilled, most recognized provincial politicians to succumb to petty high school tactics.

Despite their 6 figure salaries, their age, and act of professionalism, some grown-ups have never really... grown up. The way you handle these people is the most important lesson you can learn.

Stay out of the drama, friends. There's nothing more stressful than getting caught in the middle of an office power struggle. Avoid choosing sides. We're talking real life here. You risk more when you choose one side over the other. We can't all have Lindsay Lohan's Mean Girls ending--high school isn't a fairy tale, neither is real life.

Despite the most outrageous (albeit entertaining) incidents I've witnessed this year, I'm still thankful to have had this experience. I've met the most awesome, understanding boss who has taught me more about Real Life than she will ever know. And once you learn these lessons... you'll take them with you to the next chapter of your life, just like I will with mine.

"For the rest of my life, whenever the sky is grey, I'll remember that the blue's still there above the clouds and the sun's still shining." - Pauline Fisk