Dear Kingston, I Move Out In 2 Days - Goodbye Queen's!

I can't believe I'm leaving.

My life as a graduate student is almost over.

For all my complaints and worries (and blog posts dictating my complaints and worries) throughout the year, I have to admit that I'm quite sad to be leaving this place. I remember moving in last September, scared out of my mind that attempting a Masters degree was the worst decision I'd ever made.

It wasn't. This year at Queen's was more than I imagined it would be. And now, in about 48 hours, it'll be over.

My parents are heading here on Saturday to help me move out, so I woke up early this morning to start the daunting task of packing up my room. Can someone remind me why I brought so much stuff? I'm actually starting to panic. I have no idea how I'm going to fit all this stuff into my parents' car. It took two trips to bring my things to Kingston - and somehow, we're supposed to bring all this stuff back home in one trip. This is going to be... interesting. Books, clothes, shoes, books, books (why are there so many?!), some random furniture, and other miscellaneous items. Not to mention the fact that I haven't cleaned out my office yet.

UM. Why do I have so much stuff?! Good thing I didn't decide to pack the night before I moved out.

My closet now looks empty, with most of my clothing packed away. My walls look bare, with all my posters and pictures taken down. My desk is empty, with all my study items packed away in boxes.

Oh, this is bittersweet.

And, to top it off, amid all this packing hoopla, I'm also editing my MRP.

Too much stress! Not enough time!

And, to top that off, I've come down with the flu. Packing and editing my MRP with this cold hasn't been easy, when all I want to do is hibernate under the covers and sleep away my cold.

Kingston, I've grown pretty attached to you. You were the first city I moved to where I knew absolutely nobody, leaving behind the life I knew, the people I loved, and the family I've never left. People complain that Kingston is a dump - a small town where you have absolutely nothing to do. Well, you know, I'd beg to differ. I actually quite like this city - I've grown to love it, actually. Kingston, you've been everything I would have wanted in a university experience away from home. Queen's provided something UofT didn't: a wonderful, close-knit student community (grad students included) who I've had the pleasure of getting to know, and I greatly enjoyed every moment of my time here.

I'm not going to pretend that life in Kingston was perfect. That this grad life was stress free, that the workload was easily manageable. There were inevitably bouts of homesickness, Skype dates confessing how much I missed home, late nights working away on papers, hours and hours spent at the library and the office, hours spent slaving away over essays that needed to be marked.

But, you know, if I could go back and re-live the moment I decided to come to Queen's, I'd still make the same decision.

We're too smart to be overly cynical. And so, while some moments of this grad life were more stressful than others, I will say that this whole year has been an experience I wouldn't trade for anything. I've learned so much and experienced more than I thought I would, more than I bargained for.

As for the friends and people that I've met and grown to know this year, I will say that you have all made this year a wonderful experience - and a lot more bearable, given the stress and workload we were all under. It will probably be a very long time before I see you all again. And so, I will say that I've been so very blessed to have met each of you, and that I consider myself lucky to have befriended each of you, even if it was just for a year. And, wherever we all end up next year, always remember that I'm just a phone call or a message away, should any of you need anything! :)

Kingston, I will remember my time here fondly. I'll probably never have the chance to live here again. But, rest assured, I will always have a special place in my heart for this charming city.

Goodbye, Kingston!

"Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time."
— Maya Angelou

"All endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time."
— Mitch Albom (The Five People You Meet in Heaven)

"The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance, but live right in it, under its roof."
— Barbara Kingsolver

Back To Kingston - One Last Time!

Oh, this is bittersweet.

So, I hadn`t planned on spending this much time in Toronto. I came back on May 19 to be around for a family reunion over the Victoria Day long weekend, and then, of course, I stuck around for my New York trip at the end of May. I had intended to go back to Kingston a few days after I arrived back from New York. But, of course, things didn`t end up that way. One event was planned after another - another family reunion (on a smaller scale), my uncle`s birthday, events with friends. And.... I ended up staying in Toronto for the first couple of weeks of June.

So, basically, I`ve been home for almost a month. It almost feels like I`ve already moved out of Kingston. But, I haven`t. Yet. I need to keep reminding myself that I`m still a resident of Kingston, Ontario - for about two more weeks.

So, here I go again. One last time. Running around, packing my bags, stuffing my suitcase with shoes and clothing I`ve lugged back and forth from city to city. I`ve done this a number of times this past year - going back and forth from Kingston to Mississauga, from Mississauga to Kingston, on Thanksgiving, Christmas Break, Reading Week, Easter Weekend, and various weekends in between.

I can`t believe this is the last time I`m doing this. It seems just like yesterday that I was moving in, scared out of my wits that my year at Queen`s would seem like an eternity.

But it didn`t feel that way at all. And now, I`m moving out of my Kingston home in exactly two weeks. It went by so fast. Unbelievable.

So, time to make my last days in Kingston count, right? Exploring places I didn`t get to during the school year? Plus, I`ll be spending my birthday in Kingston on Saturday, so it should be fun times, celebrating with Kingston friends!

So, I board my bus tomorrow morning. Here we go, two more weeks, Kingston. Let`s make it memorable.

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
— Albert Einstein

"What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? - it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."
— Jack Kerouac

"And by the way, Monsieur Marius, I believe that I was a little bit in love with you."
— Victor Hugo (Les Misérables)

My Travel & Luggage Paranoia - Packing Packing Packing For NY

I leave for New York in eight hours.

Hooray.

Nothing says I'm-so-relieved-get-me-away-from-this-thesis like a vacation. And the grad life needs a vacation once in awhile, no?

Esther, Lenita, Mishal, and I are taking a Porter flight to New York in the early hours of the morning, and will be spending the next four days frolicking under the New York sun. And, this time, contrary to our last trip to New York two years ago, we'll be staying at a hotel right in the middle of Manhattan, so this maximizes the opportunity for blog-worthy adventures, no? Marriott for the win.

I will definitely be blogging about this trip when I get back.

It goes without saying, of course, that I'm excited. However, as usual, because I'm a travel worrywart, I'm also a bit nervous. And not for the reasons you'd think.

Because, you see, I have a certain travel phobia.

Apart from my usual phobias (i.e. you know, failing at life, or failing law school, or tripping in front of crowds of people because I can't walk in heels), I have a weird, OCD-like tendency to think that my airline will lose my luggage.

Am I the only one who gets paranoid about this?!? I can't even explain the meltdown that would ensue if I ever lost my luggage. Meltdown to the nth degree, particularly if, for any reason, I lost my sanity and left my Kate Spade purse in my luggage.

I always worry, what with all the stories about airlines putting the wrong tags on luggage, and having your possessions end up in, I don't know, Australia or something. And inevitably, lost luggage has the ability to cause unwanted stress - something you don't want during a vacation.

Last year, when my friends and I went to Europe for a couple of weeks, I remember stuffing my carry-on backpack with all the clothes, shoes, and toiletries I needed because I was so paranoid that Air Transat would somehow lose my luggage.

Plus, there was that fear of potentially not having anything to wear in Paris. So I lugged half my wardrobe onto the plane. Oh, my. I would have had a meltdown if any of that got lost, I'm telling you. There's just something about not having things planned out, right down to every last detail, that gives me a bit of a nightmare.

I know I have nothing to worry about. My flight to New York only lasts two hours, and Porter has a great reputation for being reliable.

But, still. I worry.

Which is why I've decided to take certain precautions.

Fr example, I've attached three luggage tags to my suitcase, detailing the exact location of our hotel, emergency numbers, flight information, etc. I made photocopies of our itineraries, identification tags, triple checked the contact information of our hotel on my suitcase. Plus, I've included a travel itinerary inside the suitcase. I just thought I'd throw that in there. It never hurts to be prepared, no? Anyway, that's my tip for the day. Be prepared. For anything. A travel tip from your neighbourhood worrywart. Precaution, precaution, precaution.

But, anyway. Enough with the worrying. Enough with my paranoia. I need to stop being such a worrywart about, well, everything. I go through this everytime I travel, and it's second nature now. Bad habits, Barb. *slaps wrist*

So instead, I'll focus on sending positive vibes to my luggage.

Please pull through, Porter Airlines!

Because I'm going to New York in T MINUS eight hours!!! WOOOOOOOOOO.

The packing is done, everything's set. I'm leaving for New York in a few hours! Exciting! The Museum of Modern Art, the MET, Guggenheim, Museum of Natural History, Central Park, 5th Avenue, Broadway, SoHo, New York University, Times Square, Little Italy, Wall Street... Big Apple, here we go!

I'M SO EXCITED! :)

“The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.”
- Saint Augustine

“Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try and understand each other, we may even become friends.”
- Maya Angelou

“We must go beyond textbooks, go out into the bypaths and untrodden depths of the wilderness and travel and explore and tell the world the glories of our journey.”
- John Hope Franklin

ECONOMICS 101 - Getting Started??

It has come to my attention that I should probably learn the basics of economics (the terminology, the literature, etc). The last time I took an Economics course was in first year at UofT. ECO100, Introduction to Economics, anyone remember that? Clearly, I don't. I don't remember a single thing I learned in that course. Hey, it's been five years. I want to brush up on this!

However, it appears that I sold off my first year Economics textook (I'm not surprised). And, really, I'm not quite sure how to get started on this venture. I don't have time to take an actual course, so learning the basics will probably be something I'd read up on over the summer before law school (with, perhaps, friends who majored in Economics to help out, cough cough).

So, dear readers, if anyone reading this post can answer the following questions to help me with my dilemma, you will be my new best friend. And will be rewarded in lieu of cupcakes.

First, if anyone reading this went to UofT, took ECO100, and is willing to sell me their first-year Intoduction to Economics textbook, please, please, please let me know. I remember really enjoying that textbook (it was really easy to read and understand, moreso than other textbooks I've had). I'd really like to get my hands on it again. Curse my stupidity for selling it at the end of first year.

Second, if anyone reading this went to UofT, took ECO100, and still has notes from said course, would you pretty please let me borrow them?

Clearly, I'm trying to re-create ECO100 for myself all over again.

Third, and most importantly, if anyone knows of any online tutorials and links, that can serve as easy-to-follow (this is important!) comprehensive online guides to learning intoductory economics, please send them over!

So, please send me a Facebook message or an email if you have any information for the above three requests. I appreciate it, friends!

It Feels Like Summer - A Week of Endings & Distractions In Kingston!

I want to sit here. All day.
I have nothing to blog about.

Because, realistically, have I done any work the past week? Have you looked outside? How could I possibly get any work done? When I could go frolic in the sun? When I could sit on the benches outside Stauffer Library and people-watch the day away?

But, realistically, this also means I must have taken at least 8754357849357 days and nights off since the day I handed in my last term paper. Um. The prospects of finishing my thesis in the timeframe I have aren't looking good. When will I actually start working on this MRP?

I'll let Future Barbara worry about this.

Because, it's the end of the term, and it feels like summer. And ergo, it feels like summer vacation. Not only does it look like summer outside, it feels like summer in a vacation sense of the word. Sandals, sunglasses, a big floppy hat, and leisure reading. That's what I feel like doing right about now.

And also, I can't concentrate. Because it's the end of the term, it's been a week of endings here in Kingston. A week of endings for this so-called grad life of mine. And this vacation-like setting makes me feel like I'm done this degree.

But first...

WITH THE END OF THE YEAR COMES MANY DISTRACTIONS...

Did I mention the weather?

Did I mention that the ice cream shop downtown near the lake just opened today?

Did I mention I can now sit by the lake and read without worries of snow/hail/freezing temperatures?

Did I mention that my new jogging regime (inspired by the weather) has me addicted to running and fixated on studying everything there is to know about daily exercise? And ergo, NOT studying my thesis topic?

Did I mention that I still haven't fully decided on a law school for next year yet? And ergo, I've been spending much of my waking hours researching, wracking my brain, trying to decide once in for all which institution I'd like to spend the next three years of my life in?

Did I mention the end-of-year bonanzas in Kingston every night this week?

And lastly, did I mention that the World Figure Skating Championships can be streamed live everyday this week?.

A WEEK OF ENDINGS

And, like I said, it's also been a week of endings here in Kingston. Enough to distract me from doing my work. It's been such a great semester. And now, summer's here. People are leaving. My schedule is changing. My daily routine will probably change. And, in less than two months, I'll be leaving Kingston too.

First, it's been a week of finishing up my last duties as a Politics TA. 700 exams were marked, recorded, checked, re-checked. Yup. I'm officially no longer a TA. And, I'm almost 100% sure I probably won't be a TA again in the future. Oh, this is bittersweet. I'm going to miss it.

It's been a week of undergrads moving out of Kingston. I swear, I must have seen a dozen first years trudging down University Avenue with suitcases in tow. Have a fun summer, kids! Let the grad students take over Kingston while you're gone, yea?

It's been a week of friends moving out, moving back home. Plus, Housemate #1 just moved out today. Oh god, I hate goodbyes.

It's, basically, been a week of mass exodus out of Kingston. This town is going to be so quiet the next few months.

It really does feel like summer vacation.

Oh, summer. I can't wait to enjoy you.... after I write this thesis. So, in the midst of all the goodbyes, farewell lunches, dinners, and parties, I need to get back to work. Back to the library I go. Tomorrow.

"In my end, is my beginning."
- T.S. Eliot

Second Semester Officially Over & Home For The Long Weekend!

I`m officially done with the most stressful month of my life. And that`s not an exaggeration. I handed in my very last (albeit, pretty crappy) term paper yesterday. But, that`s the thing. It`s done! It`s over! And now, back to a regular blogging schedule.

I can`t believe I survived.

There were moments in April (actually, in this year) where I thought I wouldn`t.

And with that last paper, and with the last day of classes 2 weeks ago, it`s time for a break. So I`m heading home for the Easter long weekend, tomorrow. (!!!!!). Oh, relief. I haven`t been home in two months, I can`t even imagine what my mother`s cooking tastes like anymore. Anyway, I`ll be home for four days, and will be back in Kingston this coming Monday. Home! Home! Home! I`m so excited.

And, starting this Monday, when I get back to my regular spot at the library, I start working on the last thing keeping me from my Masters degree: the Masters Research Paper. Thesis, whatever. But, more on that in a later post.

And yet, despite the joy and relief of having second semester over with, there`s the reality that, while my graduate program lasts until the summer, some don`t.

Meaning, many people are starting to leave, moving out of Kingston for good.

Insert sad face here.

Are you as terrible with goodbyes as I am? Because, trust me. I`m terrible at them. I can`t imagine what it`s going to be like moving out of Kingston in June. You know, that eighty year old Gramma that bawls her eyes out whenever she has to say goodbye to someone, even if they`ll only be apart for a few months?

That`s me. I`m your eighty year old Gramma.

Several friends I`ve made in Kingston will be leaving in the next week or so. A couple are leaving for exchange (to Europe!!), some are in programs that only last until April, and some are moving out and working on our thesis from home.

This is so sad. I hate saying goodbye. And, plus, There are so many things we`ve planned to do in Kingston that we haven`t done yet!

Like, for instance. I was supposed to visit the Kingston Jail with some of you. Is this not happening anymore?

Insert another sad face here.

And, to make matters worse, most of my housemates are moving out in the next week.

Break my heart, why don`t you?!

Well, anyway, to spare those of you moving out this week with my tearful salutations, I will end here with the note that I will see you all again soon. Be it in Toronto, in Mississauga, Ottawa, this summer. We will see each other again! And we`ll keep in touch!

And, I`ll brighten up, because I`m visiting home tomorrow! Woooooo.

HAPPY EASTER LONG WEEKEND, EVERYONE :)

"He told me that in Greek, nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound. It’s a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine. Goes backwards, forwards, and takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s not called ‘The Wheel,’ it’s called ‘The Carousel.’ It lets us travel the way a child travels, round and around and back home again, to a place where we know we are loved."
- Don Draper, Mad Men

Last Day of Class As A Masters Student

I have nothing valuable to contribute to this blog today. This post will be brief, I just wanted to document today`s milestone in the form of a blog post. After I publish this post, I`m going straight to bed.

Because, well, I haven't slept. I'm tired, I'm burnt out, and, well, I think I have a fever.

Today was Black Wednesday. Meaning, I had two 30-paged major essays due today. Major, major essays. One of them worth 60% of my mark. And one of them, I`m basing my Masters Research Paper on. Which meant that the days leading up to today were absolute torture sent from Hades.

And, well, technically, I did sleep for a few hours last night. But those don't count, since I kept periodically waking up, anxious that I would accidentally sleep in and be That Girl running into my 8:30 am class late, panting, waving her essay in the air, swearing that I was going to hand in my essay on time andthatIjustaccidentallysleptin,iswear.

Well, I didn't sleep in. And I handed both essays in on time this morning. Those papers are now officially out of my life.

So. This is what freedom feels like.

And, as I skipped out of both classes, I realized that for the first time in two weeks, I wouldn`t be spending the afternoon at the library. It was a bizarre feeling, breathing in fresh air. Really. I literally spent about eight to nine hours at the library everyday these past two weeks, and it was a weird feeling not being there this afternoon. I`m pretty sure the other regulars at the library wondered where we were today. Like, if we were in a ditch somewhere. Because, us being at the library? It was a thing. A regular thing.

But, moving on to the point of this post. Even though the days leading up to today were torture, the efforts were worth it. Because today marked a personal historic moment: my last day of class as a Masters student.

I can`t believe I made it.

The term is almost over, our classes are over. There are still a few more assignments left to finish, but after the next week or so, that`s it. Just a Masters Research Paper to write, and we`ll have our degrees.

Bizarre, bizarre feeling.

When you`re knee-deep in assignments, drowning in stress, the end seems so far away. Like you`ll never get there. And now that I`ve reached the end of this semester, fulfilled a number of sleepless nights writing papers, I realize now that I`ll really miss my classes. I`ll admit, I loved my classes this semester, far more than I did with the last.

My last class today, held at the Grad Club, was bittersweet. I`m really, really going to miss my classes and, most importantly, the people in my classes. I absolutely loved my classmates in that Gender and Globalization class. And as our professor dismissed us this afternoon, it, um, got a little emotional. I`m surprised none of us broke out in song.

And so, today? I reached a milestone. Many of us did.

As of today, we have officially completed two thirds of our degrees.

Again, bizarre. I can`t believe the end is near. We`re almost there, friends. We`re almost there.

That`s all I have to say today. I just wanted to document today`s last day milestone on this blog. Because, it`s a pretty big deal.

But, right now? I`m going to sleep. After a night editing those papers, going to bed at 10:00 pm is probably a smart option. And, this weekend? After spending the last few weekends camped out at the library, it is imperative that the Grizzly Grill, Monkey Bar, Alfies (to run into our students, of course), etcetera etcetera will be factored into every night this weekend. Yes. Yes, it will.

I`m two thirds done this degree? WOOOO HOOOO.

Have a great last week of classes, everyone!

"We are not the same person this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy change if we, changing, continue to love a changed person."
- W. Somerset Maugham

“Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these.”
- Susan B. Anthony

This Is Why I Miss Home - Happy Birthday, Alicia!!!

Here's my birthday greeting. All the way from Kingston. On a blog you suggested I start, no less. Do you remember this? I hope you do.

Anyway, I know you're all the way on the other side of the world right now, being the do-gooder you are, having the time of your life, but we still can't wait to see you when you're finally home! And, seriously. Adventures in New York await us. So there's a lot of things to look forward to. Thanks for being such a wonderful, fabulous friend! You've been the best partner-in-crime anyone could ask for, and the past seven years I've known you (has it already been seven years?!) have gone by without a dull moment. I'm so glad to have you as one of my bestest, closest friends. May you be blessed with a wonderful new year of your life, full of fantastic opportunities, wonderful surprises, and even more adventures (Two words: Michael and Kors) as we go through this post-grad life together. Love you, friend! Happy Birthday!

And, you know, this is why I miss home. For those of you heading off to grad school next year, always remember the people who love you and care about you. At home. Though grad school has been a wonderful experience for me so far, I think it's also important to remember that grad school can be tough in another sense. There will be many people who will, unfortunately, desperately want you to fail in order to secure their success. It may not be the easiest process to make friends in a strange city, a new school, and new program. And most importantly, grad school can be emotionally and physically draining. So much that, at times, you think you've gone crazy. However, if all this happens to you, take heart.

Because, the antidote? A reminder of everything waiting for you back home. And, my friends, that's where my heart will forever be. With the city I love, and the friends I adore. And today, I miss you all so very very much. Thinking of all of you with warm thoughts and good wishes!

P.S. Do I sound homesick? Or do I sound homesick? Let's wager a guess. Can't wait to see you all.

"Surround yourself with people you love being yourself with."

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence."
- George Washington

The Convenience Store That Rips You Off & The Convenience Store That Saved Me

Okay. Let me tell you about my day. From 10:00 am to 4:00 pm, I sat at the library. From 4:30 pm to 5:30 pm, I went to TA my tutorial. From 5:30 pm to 8:00 pm, I sat at the library. Again. So, let's review. That's about nine long hours spent at the library today.

This Elections essay is taking over my life.

My knee is numb from sitting too long, and I'm so exhausted. Plus, as I stumbled out the library this evening, I realized that the last time I ate was at 12:00 pm today.

Yeah. I forgot to eat.

So, obviously, after trudging out the library, I was both tired and starving. But since I've been living at the library the past two weeks, I've barely had time to go to the grocery store. However, though I toyed with the idea of walking to Metro tonight, I was just too tired (read: lazy) to head all the way there.

So what's a tired grad student going to do for food? I thought I'd, you know, pick up something quick to cook at the local convenience store near the library, promising myself I'd start eating healthier next week.

THE CONVENIENCE STORE THAT RIPS YOU OFF

So have you guys been there? That Campus Variety Store at the corner of Earl Street and Albert Street? You haven't? Oh, that's okay. Don't go there. No, believe me, don't go there.

I hadn't checked out this convenience store all year, but resigned and tired, I fully expected items to be slightly overpriced because, well, it's a convenience store located right at the heart of the Student Ghetto. But, for the reasons outlined above, I couldn't go to a real grocery store. So I thought I'd suck it up, and get something to eat quick, as I didn't think prices would be that unreasonable.

I guessed wrong.

I walked down the first aisle, and the first indication of beyond overpriced food came when I glanced at a package of Catelli Smart pasta and saw it priced at $5.99.

What?!? That's $1.99 at Food Basics, yo!

I walked to the meat section to see how much their chicken was.

Yeah. A box of, like 10 chicken strips was priced at $12.99.

What?!? That's $7.99 at Food Basics!

I can't even.... yeah. No. I left. Right away. Why are you ripping students off, Campus Variety? Why?! I was indignant. I couldn't believe how overpriced the items were. And for students?! Who will inevitably need this food the most?

I cannot comprehend the absurdity.

THE CONVENIENCE STORE THAT SAVED MY DAY

Yet as I down Johnson Street, I realized my indignation still left me starving. Hungry. I was so very, very exhausted and hungry. I needed to cook and eat something, quick.

Then I remembered a convenience store that my housemates had mentioned earlier in the year. One that they said was relatively cheap because it was situated beyond the Ghetto. I wasn't too far away, so, off I walked, to the tiny little convenience store at the corner of Brock Street and Nelson Street.

It is, aptly, named Convenience Store.

I walked in, surprised to see how absolutely tiny it was. I'd never been inside. Looking around, I spotted an older Asian man waving at me, calling out a cheerful, "Good evening!"

Except. It was weird. He said "good evening" like a song. I mean, he said it like, "Good EEEV-neeeng!" Dragging out the syllables in a sing-songy manner, complete with high and low octaves. I can't even explain how weird and funny it was.

No, seriously. It was hilarious. Convenience Store is owned by the most quirky Singing Korean Man.

So, in a hurry, I headed down the meat aisle and found fresh sausages at an extremely reasonable price. My housemates were right about this place, I was so pleased.

And here, came the best part of my convenience store quest.

Because, well, Singing Korean Man kept singing as he rang up my purchase.

"ArEE yoUU ChiNEESEE?" he sang, jumping from higher and lower octaves.

Confused, yet amused, I replied I wasn't.

Pointing to himself, he sang, "I aMMMM KorEEEEEan!"

Nodding in excitement, I replied, "Really?! I watch your dramas all the time!"

"YoUUU watCHHH KorEEEEan drAAAmas?" Singing his heart out, he paused from putting my sausages in a bag and lifted his laptop from under the cash counter.

Oh, it was epic. Because, well, Singing Korean Man was, hilariously, watching a Korean drama on his laptop while he waited for customers. He was, of course, singing along with the Korean pop song blaring out of his speakers.

"Wow!" I enthused, "That's a good drama you're watching!"

"Thank Youuuuuu!" he handed me my sausages, "Gooood NIIIIGHT!"

Oh, my gosh. He was hilarious.

SO THE MORALS OF TODAY'S STORIES?
1. Don't forget to eat.
2. Campus College Variety is overpriced.
3. And Singing Korean Man who owns the Convenience Store on Brock Street is too awesome beyond words.

Go buy something and listen to him sing you a conversation! Go do it! It will be epic.

He will make your life. Just like he made my day.

Thanks for the cheap food and entertainment after a long, long, tiring day, Singing Korean Man! I will be back!

"Friendship is the glue that keeps our lives together, especially when it feels as if everything is falling apart."

"If there is ever a tomorrow when we are not together, there is something you must always remember: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think, but most important of all, even if we are apart, I'll always be with you."
- Christopher Robin to Winnie The Pooh

The Quarter Life Crisis - Do We All Go Through It?

It's funny. I don't think I've met a single person my age who hasn't gone through a quarter life crisis. Or at least a mild version of the quarter life crisis. Is this a sign of getting old? Uh, I hope not.

For a definition of the quarter life crisis, click here.
For those who don't know what to do with their lives, click here and here.

The other day, while catching up with a friend who recently moved to Toronto for a new job, I asked that million dollar question.

"Hey," I asked suddenly, "Have you ever gone through a quarter life crisis?"

Without missing a beat, he replied, "Yeah, of course. I just got over mine."

"Really?!" I asked incredulously, "How'd you get over it?"

"Oh, you know. It passes. I got a job," he replied casually, "Mine was pretty bad though. I didn't have a job and I didn't know what to do with my life. So I almost bought a motorcycle. I just wanted to, you know, feel young and in control again."

Young and in control again? He's 23!

What is the Quarter Life Crisis? Here's an excerpt from an article I recently read:

"This phenomenon, known as the “Quarterlife Crisis,” is... unrelenting indecision, isolation, confusion and anxiety about working, relationships and direction is reported by people in their mid-twenties to early thirties who are usually urban, middle class and well-educated; those who should be able to capitalize on their youth, unparalleled freedom and free-for-all individuation. They can’t make any decisions, because they don’t know what they want, and they don’t know what they want because they don’t know who they are."
- Welcome To Your Quarter Life Crisis

The month before I graduated university last year, I was so uncertain about where my life was going that I felt queasy at the thought of graduation. I, quite literally, thought my life was over. I was undecided about taking a year off after graduation. I hadn't written the LSAT yet. I hadn't applied to law school yet. I hadn't applied for graduate school yet. I didn't have a job lined up for the year after graduation yet. In short, my life was in limbo. I had absolutely no idea what to do with my life. Or my degree. Like, what was I doing to do with a Political Science degree?! And if there was ever a time in my life that I doubted going to law school, it was the months leading up to graduation.

A month before graduation, I remember my friends and I sitting at our local Starbucks in desolation. Here we were. Women in our early 20's. Educated. About to graduate university. And having absolutely no idea where our lives were going. Many of our friends were getting engaged, getting married. Other friends were interviewing for jobs, applying for internships. And yet, while we knew all those opportunities sounded awesome, we didn't know what we wanted. While we had doors open to us, we didn't know which doors to walk into.

Most importantly, we didn't want to grow up.

School had always been an unknown yet reliable comfort. It's where we went every day for the past fourteen years. And suddenly, those days were coming to an end. Worse yet, things weren't going according to The Plan we had for post-graduation. You know, going to law school, grad school, medical school, journalism school, volunteering abroad, teaching abroad. We used to have our lives planned out. But by the time university graduation rolled around, things weren't going according to The Plan.

In short, the unknown scared us. Not knowing where we would be next year scared us. And for a number of graduating students, that's a prevalent yet completely normal fear.

This all defines the Quarter Life Crisis, my dear friends. Facing the fact that you're growing up can be hard. And it's a big deal.

If those feelings of uncertainty, fear, lack of direction about the big, bad, future sound familiar, I assure you, I can relate. Yet for those of you going through this early-twenties-quarter-life-crisis right now, please take heart. I know that uncertainty over your future is a huge deal. In fact, it's a big deal. But the assurance I can provide is this: the uncertainty will pass. The future will come sooner or later, and come a few months, you'll start making decisions that form what your future will look like. Not knowing will soon becoming knowing. Does that make sense? One day, this time in ~life limbo~ will be a distant memory.

We all have big decisions to make in the next few months. Decisions that will shape our futures. Our lives, forever. And if there's anything I can say to encourage all of us who are uncertain about our time post-Queen's, it's this: you are all so very capable of doing more than you think you can. Don't ever place limits on your capabilities, on possibilities for next year. We're young, we have big, bright futures ahead of us. Yet achieving those opportunities won't come if we aren't confident about ourselves.

You are all bright, intelligent, wonderful people. And that big and scary future is there for you to conquer. I have no doubt that you'll kick this Quarter Life Crisis where it hurts, yea?

"Begin each day as if it were on purpose."
- Hitch

"Have patience with all things. But first of all, with yourself."
- St. Francis de Sales

"Time comes to us softly, slowly. It sits beside us for a while. Then, long before we are ready, it moves on."
- Jacqueline Woodson

Why I Love The Library - Stories About My Familiar Strangers

This is me. Spying on you at the library,
Do you ever go to certain places so often that you begin to recognize the people who also regularly frequent that location? You don't know them. But you sort of do.

I have a name for these people. These are my Familiar Strangers at Queen's. Also, a disclaimer for this post: I'm really not creepy. I just, you know, observe people. A lot.

So, a couple of months ago, I decided I didn't like studying at Stauffer. Too noisy. Too many chances of running into my students. So I relocated to studying at another library on campus. And, I'm telling you, I fell in love.

So much love for this library that I'm there everyday. It's the perfect study spot. Not a day goes by that I don't spend at least 5 hours at my usual table, writing essays, reading. And so, when you're at the library everyday, you tend to familiarize yourself with the ~library regulars~. The people who spend just as much time there as you do (if not more). Enough that you can recognize each other on the street. Or at Starbucks. Or, you know, at the Grizzly Grill on Friday night.

So here, my friends, are just some stories about a couple of my Familiar Library Strangers. I don't know their names. I don't know where they're from. I don't know what year they're in. I just know that we see each other every single day, sitting at our usual tables at the library.

And after regularly spending hours at the library together, I'd like to think we're, you know, sort of friends (hehe).

STORY 1 - THE IVY LEAGUE POSER

The first time I discovered this library in December, I planted myself down at the nearest table, and looked around in satisfaction. I liked it. I loved the quiet. I loved the atmosphere. The study hall wasn't too big, but it wasn't too small that I felt pangs of claustrophobia.

Glancing over at another table, my eyebrows raised as I checked out a guy wearing a Harvard University sweater, decked out in crimson and gray. Janice and I watched him in fascination, wondering if he had gone to Harvard for his undergraduate degree.

The next day, I was back at the library. Planting myself down at the same table (it has, indeed, become my usual spot), I glanced over to see Harvard Guy heading to a nearby table. No big deal, right?

Harvard Guy placed his backpack on the table and started to unzip his jacket.

Except, as he took off his jacket, I noticed something weird. Harvard Guy was now wearing a Columbia University sweater.

What?

I watched him curiously, in fascination. What's this guy's deal?

A few hours later, the library was getting pretty hot. It was an uncharacteristically warm winter day in Kingston that afternoon. So, naturally, what do you do when its hot? You take your sweater off.

Out of the corner of my eye, I discreetly watched Harvard/Columbia Guy slowly take his sweater off. Except I noticed something weirder.

Harvard/Columbia Guy was wearing a Princeton University t-shirt underneath his sweater.

WHAT?

LOL. Oh, love. Love him so much for all the the Ivy League Trying. Since then, Janice, Josephine and I have labelled him the Ivy league Poser. We don't know his name, what year he is. All we know is that, in our heart of hearts, he is the fantastically hilarious and endearing Ivy League Poser.

Now you see why I think the library is so amusing? This particular library isn't the depressing, desolate place libraries usually are. You make your own fun, yea?

STORY 2 - THE LIBRARY ASIAN

There's more where Ivy League Poser came from.

Like, for example. I think I've found my favourite Asian drama actor's doppleganger.

No, no, really.

A couple of months ago, I noticed that another library regular was an Asian guy who looked oddly familiar. I couldn't put my finger on why I thought I knew him. And so, day after day, I kept staring. Thinking that, you know, I would eventually figure out why he looked so familiar.

That's when it hit me.

He looked like a popular Korean pop-star-turned-drama-actor who, I admit, I'm a ridiculously major fan of. And when I'm a fan, my friends, I'm a fan. A delusional, crazed fangirl at that. Ever heard of him? His name is Rain.

I'm so much of a fangirl that, initially, I thought the guy at the library really was Rain.

And so, one day, as I was leaving the library, Korean Drama Pop Star opened the door for me, nodding in acknowledgement. (Because really, at this point, after seeing each other at the library everyday, you're bound to recognize each other). I nodded back cheerfully, wondering how, pray tell, I could bring up the topic of his doppleganger when I had never spoken to him before. I needed to figure out if he really was Rain. Or, better yet, maybe even related to Rain? (The resemblance is uncanny, I tell you).

And so, I glanced over at Janice and strategically raised my voice a little loudly to enthuse, "We spent so much time at the library today, we should go home and watch Korean music videos of Rain!"

Because I thought, you know, bringing up the topic would make him pause and talk to us.

However, Korean Drama Pop Star just looked at me oddly as he walked by. He didn't stop. Didn't give any indication that he was even remotely related to Rain. Aw, darn.

And so, since then, he's looked at me a little oddly. Like, you know, I'm That Asian Girl who just fell off the boat and watches Asian pop music videos in her spare time.

But don't worry, I'll set him straight one day. I will speak to Korean Drama Pop Star before the year is over to let him know I'm not an obsessive, crazy fan of Korean pop culture, I promise!

STORY 3 - BRADLEY COOPER AND HIS WIFE

Yeah, I'm creepy. We're creepy. But this doesn't make it any less fun.

There's a guy at the library everyday who looks like Bradley Cooper. No. I'm serious.

The first time Janice and I saw him, we were floored. Like, he could pass for Bradley Cooper's twin brother. We also noticed that he always studies with his wife. I'm thinking they're in the same program, in the same year.

There's really nothing else I can say about these two. Other than the fact that they're insanely, ridiculously cute together. They study together, eat together, spend 10 hours at the library together.

I think they may be newlyweds. Coopers, I wish you both a happy life.

STORY 4 - MY ENCOUNTER WITH LAGUNA

Readers, I'm sure you've all seen Laguna. He doesn't frequent the library I go to now, but he's a regular at Stauffer. You guys, this guy is a Stauffer legend. Everyone knows who he is! He spends his life at the library. And people stare at him in fascination because, well... he's Laguna.

Ever seen him? Queen's students have dubbed him Laguna of Laguna Beach. Because, you know, he only ever dresses in beach wear. You've seen him. You know you have. The Hollister t-shirts, the spiky hair he often (in a model-esque fashion) runs his hands through, abnormally large arm muscles he proudly displays as he wears abnormally small tank tops in the dead of winter.

You've seen this guy at Stauffer, trust me. He's, like, famous.

So a couple of weeks ago, at Zappas Lounge downtown, Josephine and I were giggling mercilessly when we realized we spotted Laguna across the dance floor. Except, suddenly, something weird happened.

Laguna and his posse crossed the dance floor and walked over to us.

They stopped in front of us and Laguna looked directly at me and said, "Hey, do you want to dance?"

We were waiting for a few friends, so I quickly replied, "No, it's okay!"

Laguna frowned. "Are you sure? This is a one-time offer."

Surprised, my lips twitched in laughter. "Yeah, I think I'm good," I said.

Laguna and his posse walked away. Confused. HAHAHA. I swear, those guys are a walking MTV reality show. Josephine and I died laughing. We couldn't believe we actually had a face-to-face encounter with the legendary Laguna.

Good thing I don't frequent Stauffer as much anymore. I have joined the ranks of those Who Have Rejected Laguna. I just hope I didn't offend him too much. I can still be his friend, yea? Because, like I said, he's a Stauffer legend. A legend!

So next time you're at the library...

...be aware that someone could be watching you! Not in a creepy way, of course. More like in a I-see-you-around-all-the-time-because-Kingston-is-so-small way.

There are way more Familiar Library Strangers that I can talk about. But this post is getting long. And I'm procrastinating from doing actual work. So the next time you're at the library, look around, observe. Get to know your Familiar Strangers! And keep in mind, there may be someone watching you too!

Oh, Kingston. Oh, Queen's community. You never fail to amuse me.

"For there is no friend like a sister in calm or stormy weather; to cheer one on the tedious way, to fetch one if one goes astray, to lift one if one totters down, to strengthen while one stands."
- Christina Rossetti

"Thus, nature has no love for solitude, and always leans, as it were, on some support; and the sweetest support is found in the most intimate friendship."
- Cicero

The Token Bad Day - A Grad Student's 24 Hours Of Terrible

I suppose a post like this would have been written sooner or later. I'm surprised I haven't been inclined to write a similar post earlier.

Anyway. Remember my post yesterday about how fantastic this week was going? Scratch that. With the risk of sounding like I have a split personality (I really don't!), today was the exact opposite yesterday. Weather-wise. And, well, everything-wise.

I've realized that this blog gives off a false impression of a graduate student's life. And for this, dear readers, I am sorry. Because here's the thing. Contrary to the impressions I've been giving off the past few months, the grad life isn't perpetually strewn with rainbows and unicorns. Butterflies, ponies, kitties, chocolate covered almonds. Also, side note: why is my blog so, so pink? Annoying. (You see? I told you. Bad day).

But here's my point. The grad life is not easy. It might seem like common sense, but I feel the need to finally, explicitly admit it on this blog.

I can't stress enough that graduate school can, at times, be difficult. I walked past a group of little girls (okay, they weren't little. But you know what I mean) chatting in Mackintosh-Corry's cafeteria today, scoffing at how "easy" grad school would be next year.

Um. Hey, little girls. News flash. It isn't.

The grad life isn't easy. While it is predominantly a rewarding, awesome, fantastic experience, it's also incredibly challenging to juggle all your responsibilities, all your tasks, all your work.

The grad life can be uncertain. It can be tense. It can be stressful. It challenges your mind, your will, your emotions, your heart.

There are some days when you walk out of your office, out the building, into the library, only to sink down into the closest seat you plant your eyes on. You slump down, you wonder how you'll get all your work done in such a short amount of time. You bury your face in your hands and wonder what, pray tell, you're even doing in grad school. You can't do this. This is too freaking hard. This is really really really hard. I can't write all this. I can't read all this. I can't do this. I can't deal with all of this. You can't make me. I'm not cut out for this.

And you don't want to burst into tears because, you know, you're a big strong adult and all. But that's exactly how you feel. You feel like crying from the stress, from potential disappointment, from the omnipresent workload that haunts your every step.

For those landing on my blog as you research grad school, I want to warn you that you might get days like this (I say 'might' just in case some of you have supernatural superpowers). Days when the workload is overwhelming. Days when you doubt your competence, your intelligence, your skills. Days where you clutch your hair and wonder why you entered academia.

I guess today was mine.

And there are some days when your future isn't as dependable as you thought. You realize that some dreams might stay just that. Pipe dreams you can no longer depend on.

And it's days like this that can sometimes bring you down. Where the only thing that can cure your funk is a good night's sleep or a relaxing evening watching your favourite TV shows.

I don't mean to paint a picture of grad school as an excruciatingly painful experience. It's not. Bad days happen. And I suppose tomorrow, I'll visit my blog and gaze in horror at the negativity exuding from this blog post.

But tomorrow's another day. I'll let Future Barbara throw a tantrum at herself for writing such a depressing blog post. Right now, I'll rest on the fact (as should all of you experiencing the token Bad Day) that bad days pass. This will, really, pass. Worries will eventually go away. And it makes us appreciate the better, not-so-stressful days more, yea?

"Be polite to all, but intimate with few."
- Thomas Jefferson

"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little bit of each other everywhere."
- Tim McGraw

I Will Never (Hopefully) Procrastinate Again... (Cross Your Fingers)

I feel like this is a mantra I need to keep repeating to myself. Repeatedly. Over and over again. Why did I do this to myself? I never do this. Why now? Why?

I cannot even begin to explain how exhausted I am right now. I feel like I just ran a marathon. Or spent five hours at the gym. Or went through a life-changing crisis that required me to lose hours and hours of sleep. But really, none of this is true. I sheepishly admit that I lost hours of sleep merely because of my own procrastinating foolishness.

But I learned my lesson this weekend. I promise, I will never procrastinate again.

This all started during Reading Week when, in denial, I didn't mark as many student essays as I should have. I was enjoying my time at home, you see. And really, I was in denial about marking so many essays. I also didn't finish writing the 15 pages of my Elections essay that I should have written. I also didn't finish reading ahead for Canadian Politics. I also, most importantly, didn't finish editing my Canadian Politics critical review essay.

And now that Reading Week is over, I've been punished for my procrastinating ways. This past weekend was agonizing. Beyond anything I can explain in words. Actually, three words sum it up: I. Need. Sleep.

The Barbara of Reading Week was at home, spending time with friends and family, and, most importantly, sleeping in. She woke up every morning, glanced at her pile of work in disdain and walked past her desk.

"I'll let Future Barbara worry about that," she said dismissively, "I'll do it tomorrow."

Fail.

Major mistake.

I will never let Future Barbara worry again. Ever. Future Barbara cannot wake up with dark circles under her eyes after a mere 3 hours of sleep. Future Barbara cannot be a slave to caffeine. Future Barbara cannot suffer from sleep deprivation when she writes future blog posts. Yes, Future Barbara will continue to do her work days or weeks in advance.

I learned my lesson this weekend. I promise, Future Barbara, I will never procrastinate again.

I don't think I've ever been as stressed this year as I was this past weekend. To the point that I spent 8 hours at the law library on Friday, 8 hours at the law library on Saturday, and 6 hours at the law library on Sunday.

Um. I don't think that was healthy. I spent more time at the library than I did at my own house. Actually, I spent more time at the library this weekend than I did sleeping combined. Yes, let's review those numbers. This was a problem.

I don't know about you, but as the work began to pile up last week, on top of all the essays we had to mark, I started to panic. So overwhelmed, I felt like I was drowning. The sinking feeling you get when procrastination catches up to you is terrifying. This cannot happen again.

But I learned my lesson this weekend. I promise, Future Barbara, I will never procrastinate again.

Now that the weekend is over, I feel like I can breathe again. I finished reading 200 pages I was required to read. I finished marking 50 student essays. I finished writing a weekly reading response. I finished writing a paper. I finished an outline of another paper.

And now? I'm off to crawl to bed, relieved that this wretched weekend is over. And starting tomorrow, I'm doing my work days and weeks in advance. There is no way this is happening again. EVER!!

"There are a million ways to lose a work day, but not even a single way to get one back."
- Tom DeMarco and Timothy Lister

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
- Bertrand Russell

6 More Weeks, Four Months Left (Until The End of Queen's)

How did time go by so quickly? No, really. How? There are exactly 6 weeks left of classes for this term. And to put this into perspective (since I'll be, hopefully, done my Masters Research Paper in June) there are only four months left until I finish my Masters degree. Four months. Four months until I leave Kingston for good.

I don't know about you, but I've gotten extremely attached to this city. Who knows why, really. There's something so charming about Kingston that I've fallen head over heels in love with. And even though I complain incessantly about leaving home during my breaks, coming back to Kingston reminds me why I love it.

Oh, friends. My time in Kingston is almost over. And yet, I feel like I haven't done half the things I wanted to do in this city. There's still so much to do and see. And so, I've compiled a list of things I'd like to do in Kingston before I leave (on top of all my work, of course).

A KINGSTON TO-DO LIST BEFORE I LEAVE

1. Visit the Kingston Penitentiary. Because a tour of the local jail is free for all students. With your student card, of course. What's up.

2. Play squash at the ARC. Or just, you know, go to the ARC regularly for a period of time in general. Because I need to do something about this sedentary existence that is my life. And I also need to see the inside of the campus gym at some point during this degree.

3. Why haven't I ever been to Tir Nan Og? Like, ever? This needs to change.

4. Why haven't I ever been to Harper's Burgers? This also needs to change. Those burgers are rumoured to be life-changing. Mmmm. Succulent, mouth-watering beef. Come to me.

5. Take a Kingston Boat Tour. I don't exactly know how to do this. But my officemate keeps insisting that I go. And that I should perfectly time it so that I'm on the boat when the sun sets because it's apparently absolutely beautiful. How exciting. I should do this in June.

6. And since Kingston is in such close proximity to Ottawa and Montreal, why haven't I taken a weekend trip to either of these cities? I'd love to go to Ottawa for Canada Day. This needs to happen.

7. I want to make my last four months in Kingston count. And if that includes stuffing myself by trying out all the restaurants I wanted to visit in Kingston, then so be it. See: Niji Sushi, Copper Penny, Luke's.

8. Study at Douglas Library. In the Harry Potter Room. I still haven't been inside. I know, shame on me.

9. Take pictures along the lake in the spring. Or, better yet, fly a kite by the lake in the spring. I've seen people do this, and I want in. Also, I don't really walk around the lake area very much, so I should probably wander the area before I leave.

10. Carrot cake. The Sleepless Goat. Enough said.

There are probably more things to add to this list, but I'll leave it at that for now.

Oh, Kingston. I'm going to miss you when I leave. I'm going to try to make the most out of my last few months with you.

"In all affairs, it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted."
- Bertrand Russell

The Case for UK Law Schools - A Personal Dilemma

As most of you know (since I never shut up about it), I visited Europe last summer and loved it. So much that I resolved to one day live there, even if it was just for a short period of time. Paris, I loved. But since I don't speak French, I can't foresee myself being there for anything related to education. But London, I loved just as much.

And that leads me to today's dilemma. Please excuse me. I'm about to ramble on for a bit. What else is new?

So, a couple of weeks ago, I blogged about recent law school acceptances I received. And so far, I've received acceptances from 2 schools in the United States and 2 schools in London, England.

Granted, I'm still waiting to hear back from a few other schools in Canada and the U.S., so I guess I'm prematurely stressing myself out (as I usually do). But here's the dilemma anyway.

When I applied to law school, I didn't realize how hard it would be to actually choose which one I should go to. I was just hoping against hope that I'd actually get in. Anywhere. But now that I'm faced with choices, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to choose between the offers I currently have. It's really hard. Cost-Benefit analysis, anyone?

Which brings me to this dilemma. I've heard conflicting reports about getting your law school education in London. On the face of it, there are so many cons. Examples: Extremely high (expensive) standards of living, expensive tuition, and most importantly, the process of coming back to Canada to write the NCA accreditation exam in order to practice here.

But then again, I know several people who attended law school in London, loved it, came back, wrote the NCA exams flawlessly, and found a job immediately, erasing their debts just a few years into employment.

On the other hand, the schools in the U.S. that I'm considering are just as reputable. And just as expensive. And a pretty large distance away from home. And it's a year longer than a degree from London.

Do you see my dilemma? Do you see? I don't know what to do. I really need to do a cost-benefit analysis. Stressful decisions, these. Am I crazy to think that law school in London isn't such a terrible idea? Is staying in North America the better choice?

I know I shouldn't seriously consider UK law schools in terms of practicality (do I really want to move halfway around the world for two years?), and I should probably consider the U.S. schools more seriously, but I still find the entire acceptance package from London extremely attractive. Am I crazy to think so? The term funding bewitched me, I tell you. Not to mention the actual experience of living in Europe. But that's my shallow side talking.

And so this is my dilemma, friends. As I continue to hear back from schools in the next two months, I'm sure I'll be ridden by even more bouts of anxiety. I can't wait until everything comes in and I can finally weigh all my choices properly.

Oh, life-changing decisions. I guess I should face it: I'm really, really not ready to be an adult yet. It's too hard, I tell you.

"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition."
- Martha Washington

"There’ll be two dates on your tombstone and all your friends will read them. But all that is going to matter is that little dash between."
- Kevin Welch

Tim Hortons Roll Up The Rim - Am I Ever Going To Win?!

Okay, so, true facts. When I was twelve years old, my dad and I were driving on the highway one evening in early March when one of those spectacularly random events unfolded right in front of us. It was, like, equivalent to money falling from the sky. Only this actually happened.

A huge truck drove past us when, suddenly, the tire swerved to avoid something on the highway. Except the swerve was pretty sharp and, stopping suddenly, the back door of the truck swiveled open and boxes upon boxes fell out. As tons of boxes toppled onto the highway, all of its contents fell out.

Guess what the boxes held?

Hundreds and hundreds of empty Tim Horton's Roll Up The Rim cups.

I know, right? All over the highway. Amazing.

You should have seen it. To this day, I still laugh when I think about the number of people who pulled over, stepped out, and ran around the highway frantically grabbing as many Roll Up The Rim cups as they could. People fought over the cups. People grabbed garbage bags from the trunk of their cars and proceeded to stuff Roll Up The Rim cups into the bags. Said garbage bags were also on the verge of exploding once all the cups were cleaned up. There were some pretty satisfied people stuffing those garbage bags into their trunks later that night.

Amazing. Amazing.

So did we participate in this venture? Obviously. Who are we kidding? I'm shameless when it comes to free stuff. I always have been. Even when I was twelve.

Anyway, we scored about 20 cups. Because we were slow. And because other people grabbing cups were maniacs. However, on to the more important question: guess what we won after rolling up the rim of all those cups? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Boo. What happened to the 1 in 6 chances to winning deal? With that many cups, we should have at least won a donut. Double boo.

However, despite never having won a Roll Up The Rim prize ever, I still secretly hope that one day, I'll win something. A donut, anything. I like the idea of breaking even with a purchase. Example: Hypothetically, I buy a Apple Cider, I roll up the rim, I win a coffee. I break even and get a drink for free! Woot. Awesome. Little things like ~breaking even~ and winning a donut excite me. Don't judge. There aren't many other exciting things going on in this grad life beyond schoolwork, you see.

Anyway, while it might be a meaningless chase, that quest to win something elusive is addictively fun. (I'm addicted to competition and winning. I don't know if it's an only child thing, but it's definitely why I joined dodgeball). And hey, it worked for Charlie on his quest to find that Golden Ticket, yes? I have such a weird fascination with that book. And I was so happy when he found that ticket. Please, I know I wasn't the only one emotionally invested in that search.

Have fun participating (if you choose) in yet another month of Roll Up The Rim! I wish all of you the best of chances in finding that elusive golden ticket! Something fun to look forward to in the midst of All. This. Work. Sad Face. I'm swamped with too much to do, are you?

Now, I'm off to worry in a corner about a major presentation I have tomorrow. Perhaps I'll need a Tim Horton's Apple Cider to calm my nerves (I'm jittery). Served in a Roll Up The Rim cup, obviously.

"Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous secretly cling to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. But rather, it is a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan."
- Serendipity

“Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.”
- Oscar Wilde

The Day I Got Into Law School

Yesterday started off like an ordinary day. Our students have a major essay due tomorrow, so I expected a whole slew of students to drop by my office hours yesterday morning. What possessed me to hold office hours at 9:00 am? Really? And indeed, my students did show up at that hour. It was pre-essay deadline mayhem, actually.

I wasn't expecting it to be a remarkable day. I was really tired. Exhausted. Sleep deprived. I had a presentation for Elections that I was writing and, honestly, I was counting down the days until I would leave Kingston for Reading Week. And yet, just like the old saying goes, when you least expect it, something remarkable does happen. Clutching my thermos full of caffeinated Chocolate Chili Chai tea (it sounds gross, but it really isn't), I flipped open my laptop, logged into my email, and paused in stunned silence.

I found an email with the subject line "(University Name) Offer Letter."

What. What. What. What.

I think I actually stopped breathing for a moment.

Cautiously, I opened the email, and the feeling that came after reading the first two paragraphs was indescribable. When you have worked towards something for almost a decade, when you have dreamed of a certain moment since you were twelve years old, when you decisively wrote in your eighth grade yearbook that you wanted to go to law school, the feeling of achieving that goal years and years later is initially one of numbing shock. And then absolute, utter delight. The kind of delight you feel when something so seemingly out of reach suddenly becomes yours. Twenty four hours later, I still can't describe it. All I know is that I was so incredibly happy.

Grabbing my keys, I rushed to Dianne's office, cautiously opened her door, and, stunned, I blurted out the words, "I got into law school." In absolute delight, we jumped up and down in her office for more than a few minutes. I absolutely could not believe it. Side Note: it was, of course, also the moment that my student arrived (very) early for her appointment and witnessed me giggling like a fool. Ah well.

The rest of the day was a blur. And just when I thought the day could not get better, I checked my email again that afternoon. And, lo and behold, I found a second Offer of Admission to yet another school of choice in the United States. I couldn't believe it. Another school I thought was so out of reach for me wasn't as unattainable as I believed it would be.

Twenty four hours later, I'm still in shock. After spending the last five hours at the QP celebrating, I'm now sitting here applying to the last two law schools on my list. I'm so excited that I can't concentrate on anything else. It's been such a fabulous week full of more surprises than I could have imagined.

Good things happen when we least expect it, yea? I began the week exhausted. Really, I was in a crummy crummy crummy mood. I thought Reading Week would never come. And yet, two days later, I'm elated. As grad students, we tend to get into a routine that leaves us exhausted, defeated, uncertain about the work we are doing. Let this blog post serve to encourage all of us that great surprises and opportunities are waiting for us just around the corner. So take heart!

I think we all have dreams of some sort. We may not all know what we want as a career, but I think we would all agree that we want to be happy with whatever we choose to do. As I went through middle school, high school, and university, I always knew what career would make me happy. Lawyers get a bad rep, but I don't have any doubts that this is something I would love to do for the rest of my life. I've watched and volunteered for enough lawyers to know that it's a job I want to have. I love the work, I love the reading, I love everything about it. And yet, the only obstacle always in my way was the extremely competitive process to enter law school. Last year, I'll admit that I was devastated when I wasn't accepted into the school of my choice. And yet, in the last two days, something that seemed so unattainable was suddenly handed to me.

For the rest of my life, I will never forget the day I got into law school. I've always thought about the moment when I would receive an acceptance letter. And it finally happened. I have no doubt that yesterday was a day that changed my life. Law school is still months away and there are still decisions to be made. And yet I can't wait for all of it to start!

And so, learning a lesson from my own uncertainties, I wish you, dear readers, all the best with finding and attaining that career, job, or program that will make you happy. Things may seem uncertain right now, but you never know what surprises are waiting for you around the corner. Let this blog post encourage all of you to pursue the career or program you want to get involved with. You are all capable of greatness. Of doing wonderful things for the country and the world we live in. And I have absolute faith in all of you.

"Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible."
- Doug Larson

"We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love."
- Mother Teresa

Second Semester At Queen's - Initial Thoughts

After spending each day of Christmas break blogging, it's a bit of a change not having the time to blog regularly since school started. But, alas, work calls. And as the second week of classes for our second semester draws to a close, I've formed an early opinion of what this semester will look like.

I decided late last week which classes I would keep (shopping around for classes is serious business), and as I attended these classes for the second time today, I came to the conclusion that I made the right choices.

Yet despite my confidence that I've chosen courses that fit my interests best, I'll admit, I'm already drowning in work. In piles and piles and piles and piles of work. I wince at the thought of a research essay worth 70% of my mark. But, here's an admission I never thought I'd make.

(Sorry. I'm about to enthusiastically rave about school again).

I really don't mind this massive workload. In fact, to tell you all the truth, I'm excited about it. Mind you, I'm not thrilled to the depths of my soul about the thought of reading 500 pages a week on top of tutorial preparation, marking, essay research, MRP research, etcetera, etcetera. But I don't mind the workload because I know I'll enjoy what I'll be reading, what I'll be teaching, and most importantly, what I'll be researching.

And isn't doing what we like to do a blessing in itself?

And so, I'll make this second admission. I'll admit, my excitement about second semester is inextricably linked to my research topics this term. Don't laugh. I really, really like what I'm researching. So much that I've decided to share these topics with all of you. Hah.

It boggles my mind how how interesting, how absolutely fascinating these topics are. Research isn't just a tedious, tiring process about a topic you had to pick. When you find something you want to study, it becomes exciting. So fascinating. And exciting. And so, here I am, on the verge of beginning the research process. But I'm having a bit of trouble trying to figure out where to start (moreso for the first topic than the second). If anyone has any ideas, please let me know!

TOPIC 1: Cocaine
Okay, so. We've all had classes in undergrad that we notoriously labelled as that other course. The course we're taking for the sake of a credit, for the sake of a good mark, for the sake of taking just because of limited choices. Luckily, limited choices weren't an issue with me. And while two of my courses this semester focus largely on Canadian politics, my "third course" has proven to be surprisingly interesting and... different.

Forget the traditional research paper. Forget that argumentative, research-based formula you're so used to. Instead, get this. For this particular course, we have the pleasure of picking any product in Kingston and studying its production and consumption. Anything! Anything you can buy in Kingston!

Which product should I choose? I've been torn about my choice all week. I couldn't decide between tracking the production and consumption process of Canada Goose jackets (especially black market ones), illicit drugs (ex. marijuana and/or cocaine), or babies (specifically the adoption process and the costs incurred when becoming an adoptive parent).

I'm leaning towards cocaine. Studying it, I mean. Hah. From its growth and production in South America, to the organized crime groups that disperse it, to its arrival in different countries. To its consumption. Everywhere. Interesting, right? Delving deep into the implications of gender and class differences in the production and distribution of cocaine globally should be exciting. Exciting, I tell you!

TOPIC 2: Women, Politics, the Philippines
The Philippines and the United States both have presidential systems. Yet while the Philippines has already elected two female presidents, the United States hasn't. Why?

Since I was younger, I always wondered about this curious phenomenon. In a Southeast Asian country built on patriarchal, small c conservative norms, why has there been a prevalence of female political engagement and representation? I may have an inkling as to a possible answer. But I'm excited to find out other possible reasons. Interesting, right?

Okay, I'm done rambling about research topics now. But really, can you see why I'm so excited about second semester? Quite honestly, I couldn't have asked for better classes that give me the foundation to study these topics. Topping that off with fascinating studies in Canadian Politics, I'm drooling in love for academia. I know I was a bit harsh the other day in my critique of academics. But aside from that, this is what we love doing. And I'm so happy that we're all on the verge of finding topics that we're excited about. Here's to an awesome semester!

"It’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what’s changed, is you."
- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Grad School Applications - Cash Grab Costs Yet Valuable Benefits

Please give me a moment. I'm sitting in a corner drowning my sorrows in a bowl of ice cream. It may be the last one I'll be having for awhile. Horrified, I've created a list of all the things I'll have to give up this month. The harsh reality of potentially giving up my daily Starbucks intake is sinking in. Tragedy, oh the tragedy.

Why am I painting a picture so an bleak existence that even Starbucks isn't in it? It's January. And as a result, we're right in the middle of grad school and law school application season. And while we're all eager to write our personal statements raving about how we can save the world, something less exciting happens when we click Submit. We have to pay.

I've calculated that I'll be spending about $850 on law school applications this month. This includes the application fees, transcript fees to have my transcript printed with the university seals at both the University of Toronto and at Queen's, postage (especially for my international parcels), and other miscellaneous yet related expenses. This is, of course, on top of how much money has been spent on my law school endeavours this past year. The LSAT fees, the LSDAS application fees, grad school application fees last year, LSAT preparation fees, material fees. The list could go on. Law school and graduate school application fees have cost us so much money. And this is, of course, on top of the tuition we will be paying if we are accepted.

Dear University, I'm just a lowly Masters student. I'm not made of money, nor do I make much. I'd just like to be at peace with my daily London Fog, with food to eat, a good book to read, and the peace of mind knowing that I'll be attending law school in September. Is that really too much to ask?

Crawling to our parents to foot the bill can be one option when the going gets tough. But saddling the cost on people we're dependent on still leaves me unsettled. In principle, and in the name of independence, I'd really like to know why this entire process is so costly? Why do I need to pay almost $100 per law school I apply to? You read that correctly, that's per school. That's a month's worth of groceries for me. Clearly, I will be living off yogurt this month.

Why is it so expensive? Please. I sincerely want to know where my money is going.

Yet despite my complaints, I'd like to consider our dilemmas from another point of view.

Despite the bleak picture I've just painted for all of you (yes, again, that's almost $100 per law school), you can call me naive when I say that I'll accept this bleak reality with a hope and appreciation of what's to come. While many friends have dismissed grad school applications as an "ultimate cash grab" (and I don't deny that it is or might be), I'll choose to see it differently. In a more optimistic fashion.

I may be eating yogurt for the next month, but in the greater scheme of things, these hundreds of dollars invested are spent for good reason. Hundreds of dollars invested towards our futures, invested into applying for programs that can lead us to careers we'll enjoy and love. And at the end of the day, aren't these careers the reason we're applying in the first place?

I'm not saying that these costs are excusable or acceptable, but complaints aside (and I've complained a lot), we will be paying for these applications. Whether we like it or not. So let's make like optimistic pragmatists and turn our attentions away from the bleak realities of forking over the dinero. Let's realize that all this money will be worth it in the long run. Let's keep in mind that there are promising benefits to these costs.

It can be hard, but let's stay positive, my friends! Really, it'll do our heads and hearts more good to look at the more desirable, more satisfying aspects of our situation. Happy Applying!

"It's a funny thing about life. If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."
- W. Somerset Maugham